Monkey attacks!

Deputy mayor dies in monkey attack

Wow. It's like The Simpsons episode where they go to Brazil (Blame it On Lisa, my favorite episode by far), but in real life.

And I love this quote from the end, "Over the years, city authorities have employed monkey catchers who use langurs -- a larger and fiercer kind of monkey -- to scare or catch the macaques, but the problem persists."

Why do I get the feeling that in a year or two I will be reading an article with the title "Entire upper parliment of India held hostage in daring monkey raid."

And somewhere in that article will be a quote along the lines of "We do not negotiate with monkeys! Ever! If we give in to their demands for bananas now, they will only demand a better tire swing and more ropes to swing from."

Bachlor Party Recap - Post 2

Bloody, beaten, and smelling like industrial paint, our heroes (and they are heroes! Anyone who returns from war is a hero. No matter how many times he was shot or screamed like a little girl) move on to some more low key events.

2:00pm - Start drinking and playing cards. When Mike complains we are bringing him drinks too fast, I make statement that "if you don't throw up tonight, we haven't done our jobs".

3:00pm - We watch the first five minutes of the MSU/OSU game and immediately assume all is lost (turns out we were right).

3:05pm - Head to Mongolian Barbecue to cook some raw meat.

3:30pm - Mike is deputized as an official boob inspector. He retains the badge the rest of the night.

6:00pm - head to Canada. On the way our car learns the new insult "You know how I know you are gay?" thanks to (1) a discussion of our weight and (2) people who shall remain nameless stating that Journey was a good 80s band.

7:30pm - reach border. Guard asks us where we are going. Kien gives the now immortal answer of "The bachelor party". Not "A bachelor party". Oh no. This is THE bachelor party! Surprisingly, this answer does not get us strip searched. I think unless we actually used the words "bomb" "Canada" and "hockey" all in the same sentence, that guard was not going to stop us.

9:30pm - Check in, get everyone smelling sort of fresh (as fresh as people who have eaten at MBQ can), and head out to the strip club.

10:00pm - Arrive at Million Dollar Salon. Place is dead, prices are way too much for drinks, and worse they only have 6 girls on rotation at the moment. Boo! On the plus side, I will say they had some impressively flexible girls:)

10:15pm - Start survey of the table of what they like best about chicks: Tits, ass, or legs? In a shocking (at least to me) result, tits and ass are tied at 4 each and legs gets one vote.

10:30pm - We've seen the entire rotation, so we decide we need a new venue. Head out to Rush Bar to get drunk on cheap beer ($2 for a Molsen? Sign me up!)

11:00 - 1:30pm - Everyone gets good and drunk. Mike is a complete pimp. He single handily gets girls to talk to each of the single guys in our party and manages to get 5 girls to dance for him. Committed guys keep getting crappy test tube shots from this incredibly tall/hot waitress. So easy to get us to do stuff when you dress like that! The other waitress is even hotter (schoolgirl outfit and pigtails!) but I just cannot bring myself to buy her girlie drinks.

I only vaguely remember what went on here. I do remember alcohol causing me to have ADHD and wandering around all over the bar. Also, while I was not quite the pimp that Mike was, I certainly was feeling no fear of chicks by this point.

1:30pm - OK, time to get our boy some lap dances. We head to Cheetahs (now THAT is a strip club name!) and are immediately glad we did.

2:00pm - Mike's gotten two lap dances.

2:05pm - Mike is throwing up in the bathroom.

2:30pm - Jeff, Mike, Josh, and I head back to the hotel to crash. Mike is wiped from throwing up and I'm just flat out tired.

I know other things happened, but I was fast asleep in my room after this. Make them write a blog if you want to know.

Bachlor Party Recap

Mike is officially ready for marriage now that we have had his bachelor party. Some of it is a bit hazy for me, but here is what I remember:

9:00am - Arrive for our manly event of the day: paintball!!!! Manly-ness some what reduced by all the whining about how fucking early it is.

9:30am - Finally have all the equipment and paint and all the rules explained to us. We all decide to not enforce their standard 20' rule (this will haunt us later). Time to go to war!!!! We divide up into teams as follows:

Team A (winners)
Konrad
Eric
Sergei
Sasha
Jeff

Team B (losers)
Mike
Kien
Josh
Chris
Frank

First event: Attack the house. One team defends a flag behind a small house. The other is trying to take the flag or kill all the defenders. The house is surrounded by trees and a lot of old cars. Team A defends first.

9:35am - Kien is the first guy hit. And boy is he HIT: 2 shots right to the top of the head. He looks like a candy raver for the rest of the morning :)

9:45am - Defenders manage to kill all the attackers just before time runs out (I'm the only defender left). Teams switch positions.

9:46am - three guys on my team are picked off in the first minute while running in the open. Defenders laugh and point at us.

9:55am - Once again, I'm the last one left alive, but this time it's 4 on 1. I'm starting to think the 20' rule might have been a good idea. The 4 have me pinned behind a car, and I can't see where anyone is.

10:01am - I call them pussies to try and get them out in the open.

10:02am - There haven't been many shots, so I start to stick my head up to see what is going on. Mike has snuck up to about 15' feet away and blasts me in the forehead. I scream "OOOOWWWWWW!!!THAT HURT!!!!" Leave pride on the field and continue to next field.

10:30am - Next field is the "pipe field". Shorter field with lots of PVC pipes set up mostly at random to act as barriers. Team A consistently dominates this field. Some of it is lucky shots and some is better strategy.

11:30am - Next field is the "Lego" field. Lots of large plastic boxes strewn around the field, with a set of PVC pipes running along each side of the field. Once again, team A dominates (with one exception). We consistently take control of one side or another of the field, then proceed to roll up the rest of field killing everyone.

noon - Ref suggests we try one final game for the bachelor called "zombie". Mike and Konrad defend a castle (with all the expected ramparts and higher levels). Everyone else starts at middle of the field and attacks the defenders. Attackers only die from head shots, and they only have to run back to the middle of the field before attacking again. Go until the defenders cry uncle.

All I will say is that it was ugly. We clocked in a twisted ankle, several shots to the hands, head, and masks, and a painful shot to the groom's neck that finally ended the game.

12:30pm - Last event. Last man standing tournament. Mike was way ahead in kills, but in the end Josh got in a lucky shot from across the field to finish the winner.

1:00pm - Tired, sore, sporting welts that look like cigar burns, and all thanking our lucky stars we never took a shot in the goodies, we head to Mike's uncle's house for a little R&R.

Tomorrow: Second half of our night.

Colbert For President

Can Colbert actually get on the ballot?

TUESDAY DRUNK BLOG

IT'S TUESDAY! AND WE'RE DRUNK!

ON WINE! FTW!

And now we are going to have SEX!

Engineer Nerdiness in Cooking

Yesterday I had another of those "why I know I'm a science dork" moments.

I was cooking a 3 lbs ham in our oven. For those who don't know, you cook ham by putting it in a glass baking pan, add a cup of water, and covering it in tin foil. Then you cook it for 20 minutes per pound at 325 degrees.

Ok, so now that we have that out of the way, here is the nerdy science part:

- The temperature inside the oven is above the boiling point of water (212 degrees)
- The ham is sitting in a glass container and surrounded by tin foil. Both conduct heat very well.
- The ham was in the oven for an hour and 20 minutes.
- When I took the ham out, there was still a lot of water in the bottom of the pan.

So my nerdy science question is "why didn't all the water boil away?"

I have no idea. But the fact that I even thought it tells me that I must be a science dork.

Shows We're Watching

Sue and I are loving this new season of TV. So far we are watching all of these shows:

LIFE - Weird, but I like it. The lead character's Zen approach is a nice and interesting touch. Plus, it has already had a wet t-shirt scene on the hot DJ chick from The L-Word.

Pushing Daisies - We watched the pilot yesterday. The writing is excellent and the acting is phenomenal. My only issue is I have trouble figuring out where this show is going to go over the course of a year.

Chuck - I like any show were a nerd is a hero with a really hot chick as a side kick. Of course, the premise is completely ridiculous.

Dexter - Good God this show is good. Sue already wrote a blog about this, but I have to agree that it is my single favorite show on TV right now.

The Big Bang Theory - This one is my guilty pleasure of the season so far. It's all streotypes of nerds, but its really FUNNY sterotypes of nerds:)

Ready for a Woman?

Sue and I were watching a segment on the The Daily Show the other day where they were making fun of all the news networks for asking the question, "Is America ready for a woman president?"

Huh?

Sometime I swear English is a second language to me. I don't even understand what this question is asking. Ready? Ready for what? What exactly do we have to prepare for? I'm a little angry that we even ask stupid questions like this anymore.

Its like asking if we are mentally capable of considering the possibility of a human without a penis giving State of the Union addresses. I mean, I know TV executives as a rule have a low opinion of the IQ of the average TV watcher (they're not the only ones), but still!

28 hours to crazy and your Mom

I seriously thought about trying this before I read the disclaimer (hover over the comic to see):

http://xkcd.com/320/

MSU is Ranked!

MSU football made to #23 in the USA Today poll! WOOOOOO!

http://sports.espn.go.com/ncf/rankingsindex

And before you ask: Yes, it IS sad that all it takes is MSU making into the top 25 on one poll to make us MSU fans excited.

In other football news: GOD DAMN Fantasy football FRACK BITCH CRAP!

Donovan McNabb had a combined total of just 23 FF points for the first two weeks, so I cut him for this week. Made sense right? My backup was Vince Young, so I thought it made sense. Young was playing New Orleans, who's D has not held up to any team so far this season, and the Eagles were playing Detroit, who have had a decent defense so far.

You can see where this is heading...

Donovan McNabb scored 43 FF points this week against the Lions. Young only got me 18. FRACK! With those extra points I would have won this week and moved into second in the league. Instead, I'm down to 5th place.

I've since realized my mistake: never bet that the Detroit Lions will show up and play a game.

Annual Complaining about the Christmas Season

Mi-Oyce's recent post about Christmas retailers reminded me it time for my annual complaining about the Christmas season post:

FUCKING Target with their Christmas lights already on sale.

First off, its still technically summer you nut jobs.

Second, what crazy person shops for Christmas lights in September? I mean, what the hell is your target demographic here? I'm thinking shoplifters, manics, and folks who have WAY too much fucking time on their hands. Who else on the entire planet would shop for outdoor decorations 3 months before you need them?

They're not even on sale. Who the fuck buys them 3 months before they need them at full price?

Short update on the Wilson's

* Work is kicking my ass lately. I'm starting to get work associated with the "competence" penalty. i.e., I know how to do my job, so I get more and more work. I need a vacation again.

* Sue is working what seems like every weekend this month. Boooo! If anyone has ANYTHING interesting to do on weekend evenings, please call me. Seriously.

* Played in a World Series of Euchre event with Kien last weekend. First day was all right. We played well except for a few mental mistakes that really cost us. That second day though...I don't think it mattered what we did. The god of cards was just flat out mocking us. We were euchred on bad hands, good hands, even a loner. Sigh...

It was so bad we went to Hooters to de-stress ourselves at lunch. I did manage to get our waitress to remove her shirt and let me take it home, so that made me feel better about myself:) (she let me win in a hula-hoop contest, but lets just forget that part and come up with a better story about how I got a shirt off a Hooter's girl).

New awesome tv show

Eric and I started watching Dexter from Showtime. The first season started last year so we ordered over Netflix. We are half way through and we both love it!! The new season begins on the 30th so we are going to get Showtime to watch a show we like in real time for once. The premise is Dexter, played by Michael C. Hall, is a cop by day and a serial murderer in his spare time. Dexter works in the forensics lab in the Miami police department and specializes in blood spatter of course because he is likes blood. Dexter is a different kind of serial killer though because he only kills wrong doers and he usually goes after people that have slipped through the legal system on a technicality. He is a loveable serial killer. It is a different kind of character and the show is very well written with some dark comedy thrown in for fun. The psychology of the show is very intriguing because as a psycho, Dexter is very self aware. His look on life is interesting.

We loved Michael C. Hall in Six Feet Under as David and it was hard to see him as someone different in the first few minutes but he really plays Dexter well. I also have to say that he looks hot in this show. He is tan, built up a bit and just has a sexy look about him.

You know what day it is

It is the anniversary of a bad day for America but we can not dwell on it. We can stop for a few minutes to pay respect so as not to forget but, we have to move on, be strong and make better decisions to enhance our country and the rest of the world. We need to stop making mistakes. We need to stop fighting wars just because we feel like it. We need to stop living the greedy lifestyle Americans love. Stop driving that hummer 2 blocks so that you look cool. Stop wasting so many resources and stop producing so much waste and pollution. That will help fight terroism. Stop hating people because they do not look like you or believe in what you believe in or live your lifestyle. America shows themselves as a hating country when we judge our own people and deny them rights. We need to end that. We need to fix our own country first and stop situations like VT and Columbine from even being considered. No one is right, just stop arguing and live in peace. LIVE! Stop wasting time arguing. All people are people and we all die one day and all of our bodies look the same when they are rotting. We are all made of the same cells. No one is better than the other. Stop praying for people and actually get your ass out there and do something!!

I am going to stop ranting and raving. I thought of closing with John Lennon and his lyrics to "Imagine" which you all know. Those words are still very true and are something to live by. Just think how long ago he wrote this song and still we find ourselves in the same hate controlled world with no hope for resolve. That is just sad. Instead I leave with the lyrics to a Linkin Park about our current situation. The first time I heard it it touched me so and it was like a dart in my heart...

"Hands Held High" by Linkin Park:

Turn my mike up louder I got to say something
Light weights step to the side when we come in

Feel it in your chest the syllables get pumping
People on the street they panic and start running

Words on loose leaf sheet complete coming
I jump in my mind and summon the rhyme, I'm dumping

Healing the blind I promise to let the sun in
Sick of the dark ways we march to the drum and

Jump when they tell us that they wanna see jumping
Fuck that I wanna see some fists pumping

Risk something, take back what's yours
Say something that you know they might attack you for

Cause I'm sick of being treated like I have before
Like it's stupid standing for what I'm standing for

Like this war's really just a different brand of war
Like it doesn't cater the rich and abandon poor

Like they understand you in the back of the jet
When you can't put gas in your tank

These fuckers are laughing their way to the bank and cashing the check
Asking you to have compassion and have some respect

For a leader so nervous in an obvious way
Stuttering and mumbling for nightly news to replay

And the rest of the world watching at the end of the day
In their living room laughing like "what did he say?

"[Chorus]Amen
Amen
Amen
Amen
Amen[End Chorus]

In my living room watching but I am not laughing
Cause when it gets tense I know what might happen

World is cold the bold men take action
Have to react or get blown into fractions

Ten years old it's something to see
Another kid my age drugged under a jeep

Taken and bound and found later under a tree
I wonder if he had thought the next one could be me

Do you see the soldiers they're out today
They brush the dust from bullet proof vests away

It's ironic at times like this you pray
But a bomb blew the mosque up yesterday

There's bombs in the buses, bikes, roads
Inside your market, your shops, your clothes

My dad he's got a lot of fear I know
But enough pride inside not to let that show

My brother had a book he would hold with pride
A little red cover with a broken spine

On the back, he hand-wrote a quote inside
When the rich wage war it's the poor who die

Meanwhile, the leader just talks away
Stuttering and mumbling for nightly news to replay

And the rest of the world watching at the end of the day
both scared and angry like "what did he say?
"[Chorus]Amen
Amen
Amen
Amen
Amen

With hands held high into a sky so blue
As the ocean opens up to swallow you

With hands held high into a sky so blue
As the ocean opens up to swallow you

With hands held high into a sky so blue
As the ocean opens up to swallow you

With hands held high into a sky so blue
As the ocean opens up to swallow you

With hands held high into a sky so blue
As the ocean opens up to swallow you
With hands held high into a sky so blue
As the ocean opens up to swallow you[End Chorus]

Something for the Michigan Fans

I think I can sum up my feelings on the Michigan / Oregon game in one sentence:

"Now you know what its feels like to be a MSU fan."

Welcome to the other side.

One thing I will say though: When we lose we usually don't boo our own team. Or look like someone just shot our mother on national TV. No no.

We drink! Of course, we do that when we win too...

Oh, and I have to comment on Hart's statement that he guarantees they will beat Notre Dame next week:

"Whup-de-freaken-do"

Have you seen Notre Dame this year? They suck. Like a vacuum on overdrive suck. They haven't scored an offensive touchdown in TEN quarters. That's 2 and half games for those slow at math. I doubt they could have beaten Appalachian State either. Hell, my high school's football team could probably beat them, and we were only a 1A school:) Brighton would definitely beat them:)

The Smiths?

All the music ever made in the entire history of the world, and you decide to remake The Smiths "Stop Me"? Again, I thought the point of being in music was to get laid...

Original:



Mark Ronson (He's a tool):

Shocking!

CNN.com: Men want hot women, study confirms

CNN is also reporting that, in a shocking finding, children like candy.

Not only is the title so obvious that you can't help but feel like it is an insult to our intelligence, I love the "story highlights":

• Men are much less choosy than women
• Women are aware of the importance of their own attractiveness to men

I'm shocked. SHOCKED I TELL YOU!

Off to a Red State

I'm off to Omaha, Nebraska today for work again. Because my company has suddenly become cheap when it comes to plane tickets ("What do you mean you won't accept the $1200+ tickets I picked? Budgets? What are those?"), I had to get up way too f#$%ng early today. Dawn wasn't even out when I got up( 4:30am). Hell, dawn wasn't even out when I got to the airport (5:50am). Stupid lazy dawn...

Anyways, onto a totally different note about air travel: I was thinking today that despite all this jet setting I do, I don't really know where any of these places I go are. I mean, I know what state Omaha is in, and I could even point to it on a map (Me smart, see?).

But if you asked me where in the state Omaha is, I would have no idea. Same for Wausau, our company headquarters. I've been there half a dozens times, but when asked by Sue's friends who live in Wisconsin where Wausau is, all I could do was avoid eye contact and pretend I didn't hear the question. And then came the drooling and the covering my ears and singing really loud so I didn't hear the question again. It was embarrassing to say the least.

My Two Favorite Teams

I've got a new 2nd favorite college football team:

APPALACHIAN STATE!

The only bad things was that the game wasn't televised, so I couldn't watch U of M lose to a division I-AA school!

Sue's late blog

Set list:

*Too Much

*Dream Girl

*You Might Die Trying

*Stir It Up [tease] Crush

*#27

*Corn Bread

*Don’t Drink the Water

*Grey Street

*Gravedigger +Eh Hee

*The Idea Of You

*Stand Up [For It]

*~Jimi Thing

*Louisiana Bayou

*Everyday

*Stay (Wasting Time)

*#40 [tease]

Encore:

+So Damn Lucky

+All Along The Watchtower *
Show Notes:

+ Dave Solo

~ Joe Lawlor

So last week Eric and I went to the Dave Matthews Band concert at Pine Knob (DTE amplitheatre) without Sippie (long, nerdy story). Pete Yorn opened for them and they were pretty cool. I knew nothing about him before seeing him. He had 5 guitarists which was cool.

Then there was a 30 minute rain/severe thunderstorm delay. Dave Matthews came onto the stage by himself and basically said that this storm was something you shouldn't fool around with so everyone on the lawn should come into the pavilion to seek shelter while it storms and then they would start once everyone was back in there spots. Great idea!! Not! After the storm the ushers tried to get people out but a lot of bitches decided to stay in the pavilion. There were three 17 year old hoes, who did not know any of the songs, that decided to stand in our row in front of people. No one else decided to say anything so when one of the chicks thought of moving in front of Eric and I, I said "No way. Do you have a ticket for here?" <dumb nod>"Yeah right, there is no room for this bull. I do not think so." So she sheepishly scooted out of our area and kept looking at me when she thought of scooting over. Yeah that is right I threw down. I was ready to throw their asses out when Eric said it is fine. Just leave it. Usually I sit back and take it but I was sick of bitchy hoes trying to ruin my concerts; but I digress.

All in all Dave Matthews Band put on a great show as always as music goes. I gotta say though, I am disappointed in their stage decorations and light show. They had signs every where about how green their tour was and then they have hundreds of bright, blind the audience lights. They also had 3 large video screens behind the band that half the time displayed the band playing in close up and the other half had these stupid images that were supposed to go with the songs. The whole set made me think "Sell out". It should be about the music not the huge lights and video especially with a band with so much talent.