Tuesday, February 27, 2007

How not to write a check

Below is an image of a real check submitted to one of our customers. I especially like the memo:) I'm putting that on all my checks from now on.

check image

P.S. Five points to the first person you can figure out what amount to deduct from his account.

Monday, February 26, 2007

TRUE.com - How dumb do you think we are?

I've noticed over the last few weeks that true.com has got some truly, truly, TRULY, perverted people working in their ad agency. For example, I've seen the following all show up on myspace.com at least a few times (sorry for the giant space here; blogger.com is stupid sometimes):

TRUE.com hussy #1

TRUE.com hussy #2

TRUE.com hussy #3

Seriously...You really expect people to believe that a bunch of girls who look and dress like that are on your site? Really? I mean, exactly how dumb do you think we all are? I know TV gives us a completely unnatural view of the number of beautiful people in the world, but still. Even guys living in trailers know better than this.

Monday, February 19, 2007

Wisconsin Drunk Blog!

I'm Drunk!!!!

Wisconsin is all right by me right now.

This is how I know I am drunk: I pee in a circle!

Fuck ya, it is good to be me:)

I'm watching Def Poetry on HBO. Even drunk, I know that this is some great shit. I know as the white "man", that sounds 100% lame. So be it. Even as white as I am, I can appreciate this.


Fuck pillow pants! Honk if you like or love pussy!


Why I Hate Flying

I’m in WI again this week for work. So you already know that I am not in the best mode. My time at Detroit Metro Airport did not help the situation.

Anyone thinking that jet setting around the country is a glamorous life is clearly uninformed about typical airline service. Just for this segment of my trip alone, I’ve already been subjected to far more customer service nightmares than I would accept from any other industry on the planet.

I was given a reservation on a flight that was overbooked. One of the joys of flying that you quickly become accustomed to is the fact that airlines regularly sell more seats then they have available on a flight on the theory that a certain percentage of people will cancel or miss the flight. This of course means if everyone actually shows up, someone (perhaps several someones) who were sold a seat will be forced to wait for the next flight. In what other industry would we accept this?

My flight was 2 ½ hours late leaving the airport. Of course, they didn’t come right out and tell us that. Instead, they changed the departure time every half hour for 2 ½ hours. No ability for us to get dinner or look for somewhere to hang out for a while. Just sit around here and wait for us to get to you. In what other industry would we accept this?

And no explanation either. In fact, when we initially asked the attendants what the delay was for, they claimed they had no idea. No idea? What the heck is that little screen there in front of you for anyways? That’s just being too lazy to find out. Look, I’ll accept a lot of delay if you will just tell me why I’m standing around this gate. No explanation immediately makes me think that you are just fucking with me. In what other industry would we accept this?

Finally, 2 ½ hour delay with no monetary kickback is ridiculous. My transaction with you was to give you money in exchange for getting me to WI by 8pm. Not, “whenever the fuck we get around to taking off”. I can understand weather delays, but I’m fucking pissed when you tell me that you discovered at the last second that your plane can’t fly because of a minor mechanical problem that took YOU 2 hours to fix (a screw had fallen out the stairway leading into the plane). That’s not my problem. You failed to live up to your end of the bargain. In any other industry when you fail to make a customer happy, you would reward them with something to make up for it. In what other industry would we accept “well, I’m sorry but please sit here for 2 ½ hours because of our incompetence?”

Friday, February 16, 2007

GM / Chrysler merger?

Yahoo.com: GM in early talks to buy Chrysler

I heard this rumor today on the local news. I can't seriously believe this is real. Maybe someone who knows the industry better can explain it to me, but from what I see GM and Chrysler merging make no sense. Lets review:

Chrysler lost over $1.4 billion (that's with a "b") last year.
Chrysler depends on large SUV and truck sales just like GM, at a time when both are declining.
They have a similar line-up of vehicles.
They both have too much capcity as it is.
They have the same high labor costs.

What could GM possibly get from this?

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Happy Marriage

A friend of mine who shall remain nameless recently sent me the following myspace message:

Now the Q & A since its almost Valentines Day...you and your wife look so freakin happy its almost disgusting, but I'm a hopeless romantic so its not to me....te he. Anyway, the million dollar question is...*ahem* How do you stay so happily married??? I divorced a while back and now I'm in a long term relationship with my son's father...and I'm TERRIFIED to get married again. The sad part is he's a really great guy :( I guess Im just afraid I'll fall out of love with him too. So, Dr. Eric, obvious relationship expert, how does one come upon such perfection?

I wrote her the following response in private, but seems so appropriate for Valentines Day that I thought I would share:

We are pretty happy, but I've always thought a big part of that is that we are insanely over the top in love with each other. I couldn't live without Sue anymore and the same goes for her (I think). And oddly it is the same now as it was 10 years ago when I met her. Sure, we have had some fights and rough spots, but the good days have so far way outweighed the bad ones.

So I guess very short answer to "How do you stay so happily married?" is find someone you can't spend another day without. If you can do that, the rest is pretty easy.

Happy Valentines Day Sue:)

Monday, February 12, 2007

Hockey and Drinking

Good weekend with the DPP (Detroit Party Posse, not to be confused with the HPP). Took in the Michigan / Michigan State hockey game at the Joe. God I love hockey. Sue and I may need to get season tickets next year for MSU. And I have to once again agree with Ryan's long ago comment about watching teams where hockey is a big deal vs watching teams where it is not so much: You can really tell the difference in talent. MSU vs UofM looked a lot smoother and more professional then the game I saw UAH play.

As with any outting to the Detroit area, we ended up in our favorite hole in the wall Hamtramack bar: Whiskey in the Jar. Basically 3 tables, a pool table, and bar. Good times. Anytime you get a member of your party banned from playing music on the jukebox you know you were having a good night (specifically, banned for the playing of music from Telsa).

Monday, February 05, 2007

You know what really grinds my gears?

Here's the story behind this carnage:

Well, Tuesday morning (1/30), I was riding into work and heading down hill when the car two ahead of me stopped short. The guy ahead of me stopped short (skidding a bit), but did not hit the guy in front of him. I'm a good ways back, so I congratulate myself for stopping in time too. However, no sooner after I felt triumphant than WHAM I get hit from behind, hard. This drives me into the guy in front of me. MOTHERF***ER! Now I'm pissed.

Luckily no one was hurt (btw, the couple in the car in front of me was getting married in two weeks). The guy's car that hit me, though was totaled. The cops come (eventually, first 911 call I made from my cell) and they give a ticket to the guy behind me because the couple in front of me corroborated my version of events.

Good news

  • The car wasn't totaled (I don't want a new car payment right now).
  • My insurance is not involved for the car in front of me because the damage is nonexistant and I'm pretty sure the driver had a suspended liscense so he didn't want to make waves.
  • The guy's insurance behind me is paying to fix all the damage to my car (no deductible and they will cover a rental for the week it'll be fixed) because it was totally his fault.
  • The car is drivable because, somehow the brake lights and turn signal bulbs still work.
Bad news
  • My car is all F***ed up and looks like crap with a yellow rope tying the trunk shut because numbnuts bent it so much it won't shut. It bounces a bit up and down whenever I drive over 25 MPH.
  • I've been in this byzantine hell of red tape trying to coordinate insurance companies and the body shop. Typical exchange? Insurance estimates the damage at $2800, body shop at $5800.
  • The insurance company doesn't pay to give you *new* parts, they only want to give me salvage parts from a scrap yard. I'm not gonna accept a different color trunk lid that's for damn sure.
  • It's a week later and the parts haven't even been ordered. Figure another 2 weeks minimum before it's back and fixed.

Here's some more pics that don't really capture the carnage (great band name, btw), especially because, in my anger I somehow used the Sepia button on sue's digi camera (grrr...) So, here is my old-timey looking rage:

Sunday, February 04, 2007

Super Bowl Post

Most impressive thing during the Superbowl: Not the football. Oh no. The most impressive thing was the fact that those half time dancers could dance in the 3 inch stiletto heels with all that rain and not fall on their ass.

Least Impressive: What the heck was that pre-game show? It looked like the Cat in the Hat threw up in his hat and poured it on the field.

Best Commercials: I really liked the "Connectile Dysfunction" one from Sprint. The Bud Light commercials "fist bump is out" and "guy with an axe and Bud Light" were hilarious. And those "Survior" CareerBuilder.com commercials were great.

And yes, GoDaddy.com's marketing is still run by 13 year old boys (THANK GOD!).

Random Thought: Speaking of commercials, why did every Coke commercial show people drinking from the old glass bottles? You haven't been able to buy a glass bottle of Coke since I was 10 years old.