Monkey attacks!

Deputy mayor dies in monkey attack

Wow. It's like The Simpsons episode where they go to Brazil (Blame it On Lisa, my favorite episode by far), but in real life.

And I love this quote from the end, "Over the years, city authorities have employed monkey catchers who use langurs -- a larger and fiercer kind of monkey -- to scare or catch the macaques, but the problem persists."

Why do I get the feeling that in a year or two I will be reading an article with the title "Entire upper parliment of India held hostage in daring monkey raid."

And somewhere in that article will be a quote along the lines of "We do not negotiate with monkeys! Ever! If we give in to their demands for bananas now, they will only demand a better tire swing and more ropes to swing from."

Bachlor Party Recap - Post 2

Bloody, beaten, and smelling like industrial paint, our heroes (and they are heroes! Anyone who returns from war is a hero. No matter how many times he was shot or screamed like a little girl) move on to some more low key events.

2:00pm - Start drinking and playing cards. When Mike complains we are bringing him drinks too fast, I make statement that "if you don't throw up tonight, we haven't done our jobs".

3:00pm - We watch the first five minutes of the MSU/OSU game and immediately assume all is lost (turns out we were right).

3:05pm - Head to Mongolian Barbecue to cook some raw meat.

3:30pm - Mike is deputized as an official boob inspector. He retains the badge the rest of the night.

6:00pm - head to Canada. On the way our car learns the new insult "You know how I know you are gay?" thanks to (1) a discussion of our weight and (2) people who shall remain nameless stating that Journey was a good 80s band.

7:30pm - reach border. Guard asks us where we are going. Kien gives the now immortal answer of "The bachelor party". Not "A bachelor party". Oh no. This is THE bachelor party! Surprisingly, this answer does not get us strip searched. I think unless we actually used the words "bomb" "Canada" and "hockey" all in the same sentence, that guard was not going to stop us.

9:30pm - Check in, get everyone smelling sort of fresh (as fresh as people who have eaten at MBQ can), and head out to the strip club.

10:00pm - Arrive at Million Dollar Salon. Place is dead, prices are way too much for drinks, and worse they only have 6 girls on rotation at the moment. Boo! On the plus side, I will say they had some impressively flexible girls:)

10:15pm - Start survey of the table of what they like best about chicks: Tits, ass, or legs? In a shocking (at least to me) result, tits and ass are tied at 4 each and legs gets one vote.

10:30pm - We've seen the entire rotation, so we decide we need a new venue. Head out to Rush Bar to get drunk on cheap beer ($2 for a Molsen? Sign me up!)

11:00 - 1:30pm - Everyone gets good and drunk. Mike is a complete pimp. He single handily gets girls to talk to each of the single guys in our party and manages to get 5 girls to dance for him. Committed guys keep getting crappy test tube shots from this incredibly tall/hot waitress. So easy to get us to do stuff when you dress like that! The other waitress is even hotter (schoolgirl outfit and pigtails!) but I just cannot bring myself to buy her girlie drinks.

I only vaguely remember what went on here. I do remember alcohol causing me to have ADHD and wandering around all over the bar. Also, while I was not quite the pimp that Mike was, I certainly was feeling no fear of chicks by this point.

1:30pm - OK, time to get our boy some lap dances. We head to Cheetahs (now THAT is a strip club name!) and are immediately glad we did.

2:00pm - Mike's gotten two lap dances.

2:05pm - Mike is throwing up in the bathroom.

2:30pm - Jeff, Mike, Josh, and I head back to the hotel to crash. Mike is wiped from throwing up and I'm just flat out tired.

I know other things happened, but I was fast asleep in my room after this. Make them write a blog if you want to know.

Bachlor Party Recap

Mike is officially ready for marriage now that we have had his bachelor party. Some of it is a bit hazy for me, but here is what I remember:

9:00am - Arrive for our manly event of the day: paintball!!!! Manly-ness some what reduced by all the whining about how fucking early it is.

9:30am - Finally have all the equipment and paint and all the rules explained to us. We all decide to not enforce their standard 20' rule (this will haunt us later). Time to go to war!!!! We divide up into teams as follows:

Team A (winners)
Konrad
Eric
Sergei
Sasha
Jeff

Team B (losers)
Mike
Kien
Josh
Chris
Frank

First event: Attack the house. One team defends a flag behind a small house. The other is trying to take the flag or kill all the defenders. The house is surrounded by trees and a lot of old cars. Team A defends first.

9:35am - Kien is the first guy hit. And boy is he HIT: 2 shots right to the top of the head. He looks like a candy raver for the rest of the morning :)

9:45am - Defenders manage to kill all the attackers just before time runs out (I'm the only defender left). Teams switch positions.

9:46am - three guys on my team are picked off in the first minute while running in the open. Defenders laugh and point at us.

9:55am - Once again, I'm the last one left alive, but this time it's 4 on 1. I'm starting to think the 20' rule might have been a good idea. The 4 have me pinned behind a car, and I can't see where anyone is.

10:01am - I call them pussies to try and get them out in the open.

10:02am - There haven't been many shots, so I start to stick my head up to see what is going on. Mike has snuck up to about 15' feet away and blasts me in the forehead. I scream "OOOOWWWWWW!!!THAT HURT!!!!" Leave pride on the field and continue to next field.

10:30am - Next field is the "pipe field". Shorter field with lots of PVC pipes set up mostly at random to act as barriers. Team A consistently dominates this field. Some of it is lucky shots and some is better strategy.

11:30am - Next field is the "Lego" field. Lots of large plastic boxes strewn around the field, with a set of PVC pipes running along each side of the field. Once again, team A dominates (with one exception). We consistently take control of one side or another of the field, then proceed to roll up the rest of field killing everyone.

noon - Ref suggests we try one final game for the bachelor called "zombie". Mike and Konrad defend a castle (with all the expected ramparts and higher levels). Everyone else starts at middle of the field and attacks the defenders. Attackers only die from head shots, and they only have to run back to the middle of the field before attacking again. Go until the defenders cry uncle.

All I will say is that it was ugly. We clocked in a twisted ankle, several shots to the hands, head, and masks, and a painful shot to the groom's neck that finally ended the game.

12:30pm - Last event. Last man standing tournament. Mike was way ahead in kills, but in the end Josh got in a lucky shot from across the field to finish the winner.

1:00pm - Tired, sore, sporting welts that look like cigar burns, and all thanking our lucky stars we never took a shot in the goodies, we head to Mike's uncle's house for a little R&R.

Tomorrow: Second half of our night.

Colbert For President

Can Colbert actually get on the ballot?

TUESDAY DRUNK BLOG

IT'S TUESDAY! AND WE'RE DRUNK!

ON WINE! FTW!

And now we are going to have SEX!

Engineer Nerdiness in Cooking

Yesterday I had another of those "why I know I'm a science dork" moments.

I was cooking a 3 lbs ham in our oven. For those who don't know, you cook ham by putting it in a glass baking pan, add a cup of water, and covering it in tin foil. Then you cook it for 20 minutes per pound at 325 degrees.

Ok, so now that we have that out of the way, here is the nerdy science part:

- The temperature inside the oven is above the boiling point of water (212 degrees)
- The ham is sitting in a glass container and surrounded by tin foil. Both conduct heat very well.
- The ham was in the oven for an hour and 20 minutes.
- When I took the ham out, there was still a lot of water in the bottom of the pan.

So my nerdy science question is "why didn't all the water boil away?"

I have no idea. But the fact that I even thought it tells me that I must be a science dork.

Shows We're Watching

Sue and I are loving this new season of TV. So far we are watching all of these shows:

LIFE - Weird, but I like it. The lead character's Zen approach is a nice and interesting touch. Plus, it has already had a wet t-shirt scene on the hot DJ chick from The L-Word.

Pushing Daisies - We watched the pilot yesterday. The writing is excellent and the acting is phenomenal. My only issue is I have trouble figuring out where this show is going to go over the course of a year.

Chuck - I like any show were a nerd is a hero with a really hot chick as a side kick. Of course, the premise is completely ridiculous.

Dexter - Good God this show is good. Sue already wrote a blog about this, but I have to agree that it is my single favorite show on TV right now.

The Big Bang Theory - This one is my guilty pleasure of the season so far. It's all streotypes of nerds, but its really FUNNY sterotypes of nerds:)

Ready for a Woman?

Sue and I were watching a segment on the The Daily Show the other day where they were making fun of all the news networks for asking the question, "Is America ready for a woman president?"

Huh?

Sometime I swear English is a second language to me. I don't even understand what this question is asking. Ready? Ready for what? What exactly do we have to prepare for? I'm a little angry that we even ask stupid questions like this anymore.

Its like asking if we are mentally capable of considering the possibility of a human without a penis giving State of the Union addresses. I mean, I know TV executives as a rule have a low opinion of the IQ of the average TV watcher (they're not the only ones), but still!