Monday, June 30, 2008

Diary of a call girl

New show to watch on Showtime: Secret Diary of a Call Girl

One word to describe it: SEXY!

First off, we all know about my fetish for British girls, especially when they say "knickers". That's just plain hot.

Second, its about a call girl who actually likes sex and is just happy to be paid to do it! DOUBLE HOT!!!

And finally, there is all the dressing up sexy, dirty talk, and generally hot interactions with the clients.

Oh how I love this show.

Sunday, June 29, 2008

Missing Post

Yea, I missed posting yesterday. Sue and I atteneded one of my cousin's weddings yesterday and I just plain forgot in the hurry to get there on time.

It was a a great wedding. And we learned about a new and interesting group call The Vitiaim String Quartet. They are a string quartet (duh) that perform covers of various pop songs. For example, the parents walked down the aisle to the sound of Guns and Roses "Sweet Child of Mine" by a string quartet. At dinner we listened to several DMB songs covered by them as well.
Their music is available on iTunes if you are interested in checking it out.

UPDATE: They also have their own web site:

Friday, June 27, 2008

Parents and God

It finally happened today. I was talking to my Mom and for whatever reason, the subject came up of whether I believe in God.

Ah crap...

I told that I'm just not sure. Even that (which is probably widely optimistic in describing my outlook) caused my Mom to pause for several seconds before laying down the "you know you won't be going to heaven if you don't believe" speech.

Ah crap...

I don't know where I am. But I do know that people who are SO DAMN SURE make me uncomfortable. Maybe because I'm jealous. Maybe because I question how anyone can be so sure of something like that. Maybe because I used to be that person.


Thursday, June 26, 2008

Economic Stimulus Check

We FINALLY got our economic stimulus check this week. Apparently the fact that I mailed in a check for what I owed as opposed to using direct deposit combined with the fact I always send my tax return in around April 12th ("but...but...It's my money!") means we were last on the list of people to get a check.

Since we owed a bunch, we got $1200 bucks. I'm trying to come up with something cool to buy with this. Any suggestions?

Things I already thought of and rejected:

1) Bribe Mike to steal me a penguin from the zoo - Penguins are dead to me thanks to their association with a certain team from Pittsburg.

2) Stuff for you - I'm WAYYYYY too selfish for that:)

3) Knight Rider GPS - Cool, but automatically disqualified for its association with "the Hoff".

4) Some sort of canon I can use to scare childern off the lawn - and maybe get them to turn their damn radio's down.

Come on readers! Think!

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

One of my Crazies

Sue and I have always joked that the way to stay together is to expose the other person to your crazy a little bit at a time. Below is an example of one of my crazies that I managed to hide from Sue for a few years.

That's right. At least in the comfort of my own home, I nearly always sort them out into equal sized piles before eating them. If they don't add up to even numbers, I'll eat them one at a time until they are equal numbers. Then, I will eat one from each color until they are all gone; repeat from the bag as long as I can.

Sue finds it hilarious that even if she messes the piles all up, I will inevitably resort them before eating again even though it makes no sense why I do this:)

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Corrupting Youth

Fun story: Last weekend Sue's mom and step dad flew out to Vegas, so we volunteered to keep Sue's two sisters with us for the weekend.

Of course, I also got roped into PC repair duty (it happens. I'm sure whenever anyone has a sick penguin, they bring it to Mike). We ran to Best Buy to buy a few things for the PC and while we were there, Sue and I picked up the latest Seether disc. Being the inpatient folk that we are, we popped it into the CD player on the way home to listen to it.

The first three songs play on the drive home. All are pretty tame and I'm not really thinking too much about the lyrics when the fourth song starts.

And now the funny part:

We've just gotten off the freeway. The first verse is pretty quiet and we've come to stop waiting to turn. Suddenly the chorus of the fourth song starts up. The lyrics are something like this:

"FUCK ME LIKE YOU HATE ME! Dig it up and whore me out. FUCK ME LIKE YOU HATE ME!"

Even better: We didn't think about the fact that the chorus would repeat again in about 1 minute later:)

Even even better: Our car stereo has had an issue for years where sometimes the volume knob does the OPPOSITE of what you want it do. When the second verse started, this was one of those times;)

Monday, June 23, 2008

iPhone Geek

Konrad needs one of these for all his lady friends...

Sunday, June 22, 2008

Girls LIKE to be treated that way

NewScientist: Bad Guys Really Do Get the Most Girls

First off: You just know the guys who set up this study were just dumped for some guy on a motorcycle or some asshole in a band.

Second off: Apparently I'm 1/3 evil.

From the article:

The [evil] traits are the self-obsession of narcissism; the impulsive, thrill-seeking and callous behaviour of psychopaths; and the deceitful and exploitative nature of Machiavellianism...People with these personalities risk being shunned by others and shut out of relationships, leaving them without a mate, hungry and vulnerable to predators.

Narcissism? Check:)

But being just slightly evil could have an upside: a prolific sex life, says Peter Jonason at New Mexico State University in Las Cruces. "We have some evidence that the three traits are really the same thing and may represent a successful evolutionary strategy."

Note to self: Try being slightly more evil and see what happens. I'll need do some charting of course to see if it works. And a control of some sort. Where did I put my evil copy of Excel and that good twin again...

Saturday, June 21, 2008

Work Work Work

It's been a while since I last bitched about work. I'm a little afraid you all think that I have this perfect job where I am stress free, working in my underwear at home, making a bunch of money, and then shut it all off whenever I want.

Sadly, that about as far away from the truth as you can get without approaching from the other side.

Like any job, I have good days and bad days. Lately it seems like I have WAY more bad days then good though. And it all boils down to one reason:

I fucking hate Matt.

Matt is the sort of developer that makes every other developer want to cock punch him...repeatedly...with a 2x4....that's on fire. Matt is one of the only people on Earth that given to chance to kill him without anyone finding out, I would really do it.

Its not that Matt isn't smart; oh how I wish it was that simple. Instead, Matt is a really smart guy who has the managerial skills of a rabid bear and the social skills of 3rd grader.

Good example: Yesterday I had a conversation with Matt that went something like this:

Matt: I think we should rename everything in the project to use this format < some technical garbage >

Me: We could I guess. I think this other format is simpler though, and we already have a bunch of code that uses it.

Matt: Really? Are you sure you we shouldn't just use my naming convention.

Me: Yes really. The current names are fine.

Matt: <long pause> OK. I'll ask some other people and we can talk about it later.

Translation: I don't like your answer, so I'm going to change the spec anyways and force you to change everything later.

And this is how it is with every decision on the project. Matt is one of those guys that can't let stand any decision that wasn't the one he would have made, even if the decision is really fine in the grand scheme of things. Things like naming internal tools, internal code layout, table formats: everything has to be "Matt's way" or it is wrong.

I fucking hate Matt.

Friday, June 20, 2008


My lack of blogging lately has made me angry. Angry and bitter that I can't be more funny/clever on a regular basis. So once again, here I am pledging to write one blog every day for 30 days. We all know its a lie. But play along for a while. Maybe start a pool about how long I can really write a blog a day. Maybe encourage me. Whatever turns you on.

Thursday, June 19, 2008

Creepy with a capital C

Custom Creature Taxidermy - Fantasy

WTF! Taxidermy isn't creepy enough already? We had to creepy it up some more?

<shivers uncontrollably>

That is just plain f$%ked up. Who on this earth would want to create those sorts of things as a job?

And this from the website:

"This artist deals with death, in what is considered by most, an unconventional manner. She does not view a dead animal as disgusting or offensive. She feels that all creatures exhibit beauty in death, as well as in life, and pays homage to them by reincarnating them in her works of art."

I see. So the way you express the beauty of their death is to rearrange and mix all their parts with the parts of several other animals into something straight out of a Stephen King novel?

Fucking weird.

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Lack of blogging

There has been a severe lack of blogging lately, and I have only me to blame. We've had a whole bunch of interesting things going on to. We've just been too lazy to write anything.

Quick run down:

* Worked a ton of hours
* Had Paul here for several days of Wii playing and general guy time.
* Went to the Detroit Electronic Music Festival.
* Baked to 350 degrees at a Tiger's game
* Started watching Big Love
* Realized I NEVER want 3 wives
* Offered Sue and her two sisters to Jay in return for Jenn and a pair of mules at Joyce's birthday

And that's just what I can remember off the top of my head.

Sunday, June 08, 2008

Cool game (not pitiful attempt to cover Penguins shame)

Want to see if you can balance the budget better than the fat-cats and slim-cats in Warshington? Here's your flash-based chance:

Thursday, June 05, 2008

GO the WINGS!!!

Woot! They did it and won the Stanley Cup! I love hockey, ecspecially when Detroit or MSU wins!!!

Monday, June 02, 2008

Sex! (and the City)

Sue and I went and saw Sex and the City this weekend. I really owed her for Indiana Jones, plus the 100 other action movies I have taken her too without any girly movies to offset.

First off, I was one of ten men in the whole packed theatre. Seriously. And as a man if you have never been in a room with 150 women vs. ten guys, let me just tell you it can be a little scary. I was worried I would be clawed to death if I laughed at the wrong moment.

All in all it was an enjoyable movie. Lots of girl power moments of course, but I laughed plenty and left thinking it was just like the TV show (which I liked), but an hour longer. Sadly, it did have one naked penis shot that I could have lived without. And what can only be described as the fakest tits I have ever seen ("um, aren't those supposed to, you know, move and stuff?").

Also: Sue thought my poll from this weekend was sexiest, so I've added one for the ladies as well.

Sunday, June 01, 2008

Fellatio to Hilter

I found this fun game the other day while trolling around (which by the way has the geekiest site name ever). Basically, it finds the click path between any two articles in Wikipedia as of March 3rd, 2008. According to the guy you wrote this application, it takes an average of 4.573 clicks to reach any article in Wikipedia from anywhere else.

For example, the link path between "fellatio" and "Hilter" is

Fellatio-> Condom->2003->Human shield->Hilter

Amusing to say the least;)