Still bored. Still in Atlanta.
Jimmy Eat World is not the best band in the world, but I think they have made one of all time favorite songs of all time: My Sundown
Listen to the song first before reading on.
If you can listen to the line "I could be so much more than this....No one cares...I wanna be so much more than this" (starts around 4:00 minute mark) and not feel...well...something, then you are a dead robot. Sorry, but it's the truth.
Every time I hear this song, I feel this urge get out and do something to change the fucking world. I think it is because, deep down, I know that everything I do these days has no bearing on the world. I mean, my last job was great for at least giving me this feeling that, for better or worse, I was having a real honest to god effect on the world through work. And despite what I told people at the time, I think I really liked what my job meant to me: helping (in whatever small way) to rid the world of some really horrible people.
Now what do I do? I fucking help a group like In Touch Ministries process magazine orders faster so that they can process 10,000 orders a day by mail instead of just 5,000. I want to hurt myself for that. In Touch processes so much money through book and magazine orders, not to mention straight up donations that they can afford to have their own TV and radio studios on site, a print design group, warehouse, and do all their own mailing processing in house. I think about how much money I am looking at just in the construction of their offices here and our software ($250,000+ just for our system) and I just can't help but think this money could really be used for something better. Sometime more Christan (if I even know what that means anymore).
It sucks having these feelings........Who needs a drink?
5 years ago
Posts
3 comments:
I saw the site for In Touch and I feel bad. For as much as I don't like the auto-industry, at least I don't serve a "corporate-church".
I can sympathize with you too. For the gift of my intelligence I have yet to do anything for the world or society that I consider worthy.
I felt like this everyday, that nothing I do is worth it, to the masses. I always wanted to look for the bigger thing, that it takes the big thing to make a difference. Not the case, I take to heart now in the little things; the open door, the random thank you, the minor donation, the recycling of something and all the other small things. You may not think it, all these small things add to something bigger. You can only hope that the little thing is not wasted and those on the recipient take that and pass it on to others. Good luck on the soul searching Eric, hope this helps.
mike
Imgine how I feel that Eric has to leave me to spend what will be two weeks with these money-grubbing liars. "Give us all your money and Jesus will love you!" Yeah what a crock.
I think Mike is right about the little things. I am a nurse and sometimes even I feel worthless at times in respect to the big picture, especially when we keep a patient alive that is for the most part dead. I always want to do things for the planet or for innocent people and animals that need it.
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