Cavemon Part II

This is a continuation of my Cavemon Part I post from Monday. I would encourage you to read that first so you can be in the right state of mind for how much this morning hurt:

When we last joined our hero of this story, he had stumbled into bed thinking, "Fuck! We have cave'mon events tomorrow at 9:00am and I'll be lucky if I show up with both shoes on."

Dare I say, what a hook! I know you have all been waiting breathlessly for what sort of physical games developers dream up. Well, wait no longer!

Cave'mon Day 2!

7:00am - Cell phone rings. I wake up in a panic, assuming I've overslept and race for the phone. Its Sue calling me on the way home. Sue had assumed I would turn my phone off. Internally I think this is Karma punishing me for my actions last night. Two seconds after hanging the phone up I'm sound asleep again.

8:30am - Real wake up call. Oh god. The light! She burns my eyes! Seriously consider killing the man who invented the telephone ring.

9:00am - I've somehow made it to the lobby on time, where no one is looking all that happy. We are all staring at each other deciding on what if anything we should comment on from last night.

They have a breakfest bar. I curse it. Food and me are not on speaking terms at this point. Even that 20oz of Cola and I are arguing, but we stay together for the sake of the kids.

9:30am - Robot guy Mike arrives with a few more folks. Adam lends me some extra jogging pants he had because I all I brought are jeans. I send the rest of the day in another man's pants (and get a constant ribbing for it).

Mike has folks draw names to create teams for the events. I'm paired with my boss Steve. Just to set the picture, Steve is a pretty big guy (say 220 lbs) in his 40s. He's wearing one of those skin tight Under Armour shorts, a fleece, and a skin tight cap. The image of him in those shorts still haunts my dreams.

10:00am - Time for some events! All our events are designed so that the really athletic young guys don't have too much of an advantage over the 40 year old guys who's only exercise is chasing 9 year old children. We have a total of 5 teams. For each event we gave 5 points for first, 3 for second, and 1 for first.

First up is "wack a ball". Each team member hits a golf ball and whiffle ball off a tee. Farthest combined distance wins. However, the twist is that for golf, the ball is placed on top of one of those small traffic cones and for tee ball, the tee is set up for 5 year olds. Nothing like watching a guy who has a 1 under par average try to hit a golf ball that is raised up a foot off the ground instead of the usual 1/2 inch. We broke a LOT of cones:)

Steve has the longest golf drive by far, and I had the longest tee ball shot, so we easily win this event. 5 points for the good guys!

10:30am - Next event is a sort-of-cross between discus and the hammer toss. Mike had a tied a large ten lb weight to a 2 foot ski rope. You spun around however you wanted and threw the weight. We sucked at this event. Zero points.



11:00am - Next event is a relay event. Three cones set up in a triangle, each 60 feet apart. At each cone there is either a football, frisbee, or softball. You can't run with a ball, so you relay around the cones by throwing the balls back and forth until you pass the next cone. You then switch to the item at that cone. If you drop the ball, you both have to return the cone you are throwing from. First team with both guys around wins. Steve and I also won this event (mostly do to the fact that we never dropped a ball). 10 points for us now.

11:30am - Next is a wagon race (sort of). Same cone configuration. At the first cone is a wagon. Second has a dolly, and third a wheel barrel. And you had to switch puller and pullee at least once. We got trounced in this event (imagine me trying to pull a 220 guy in a wagon).

12:00pm - Time for a break from all this running. After a quick stop at the bar for some snacking (the really brave guys go for beer too. Beer and I are currently not friends due to something beer said about my mom last night), we switch to retarded bowling. Retarded bowling is just like regular bowling except you have to switch the hand you bowl with on every throw.

Its much, much harder then it sounds. First game I bowled a 68! I haven't bowled that low since I was 10. By the second game I had sort of figured it out and managed to throw a 128, which was enough to secure 3rd for us. I think it helped that I started drinking about half way through the first game. At the end of 5 events Steve and I are tied with another team for first place.

2:00pm - Lunch at Hooters (come on, are you really surprised?). This was the best Hooters I have ever been in if you are considering the quality of the ladies only. As always, the food was so-so.

A couple of models from their 2007 calendar were there signing copies. I have to admit that I've never seen a 6'2" blonde model in person. The effect was more intimidating then sexy:) 2 more beers and we are off to Mike's cabin.

I think this blog is already too long, so we'll have to wait and see if the dynamic duo of Steve and Eric can win it all next time!