Good god it has been a while between posts.
We are getting down to the wire here on my current project. I HATE this part of my job. All the stress of delivering a high quality product on time really makes me an unpleasent person to be around.
For one thing, there is the whole issue of telling people to get the fuck out of my office. Most days, I just go with it. People need to relieve stress or point out funny things on the web or whatever. But when I under the gun for a delivery, every second of the day seems precious (In case you are wondering, I'm writing this while compiling my executable, not just wasting time). I've come up with the following system to get people out during those times:
Stage 1) Wear large headphones. You don't have to listen to anything on them. Just wear them. With headphones, you can always pretend you aren't listening when they yell for you to come see something. Stage one will only deter the most worthless of conversations and then only with the people too lazy to even get up and come to your office. If someone overcomes this first hurdle, it's time for Stage 2:
Stage 2) Step 2 is all about minimizing the ability of the conversation to continue.
* Continue to do exactly what you were doing when the person comes into your office: typing, filing, eating, rubbing your head while you pat your stomach, whatever. The point is, what you are doing is very important and you can't be bothered with their stupid conversation enough to actually devote more than your brain stem to it
* Answer in the shortest number of syllabes possible. Try some of the following: "Yes", "No", "Cool", "Neat", "Thanks", "Penguin", "doh", "hm...", and "That sucks", (or just "Sucks" if you are really into it). You get the idea.
If those don't work, you have to move on to Stage 3.
Stage 3:
* Stop making any eye contact at all. Go back to working on whatever you were working on before they came in. Typing is very effective here. That clicking noise acts as a constant reminder that you don't care about whatever the person is talking about. No really. I don't care. Seriously. Can't you literally hear me not caring? What the fuck is wrong with you?!?!?!
So that's my system. Anyone have any other ideas?
5 years ago
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3 comments:
You could find a way to fasten the headset of your phone to your ear so that when ever someone comes in you can just pretend that you are on an important call with a customer or your family about some big news.
Also you could make a sign that says "Enter at your own risk" and put it on your door if you really want privacy. Then if someone still comes in and talks about stupid crap you could start growling at them... Of course they may try to commit you then ;)
I like the whole jacking off while half-naked tactic. That person will never bother you again. Ever.
Walking away in my office is tough, although I guess I could either pretend I have to pee like every ten minutes. Or I could just slink under the desk.
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