This I believe…. (pt 1)

Okay because Eric is obsessed with this whole higher power/god thing and loves hearing about other people's beliefs on God, here goes. If anyone besides him finds this interesting, so much the better.

For the record I'm technically Catholic [I was confirmed Paul Istvan Luke (because he was the only apostle in Star Wars) Mikowski] and technically hell-bound (many unconfessed sins, up to and including the dreaded premarital sex).

However, my recent wedding was not religious in the slightest and I've hovered for a while between agnostic and atheist, depending on how bitter or confident I am at that moment. I was ferociously atheist in early adolesence and I can remember the moment I stopped believing. I was in Sunday school (on tuesday afternoons, go figure) and I had a nutball for a teacher. He would go on about 666 being written on the inside of every computer a bunch of times, how we were going to have a credit card chip in our hands soon and this was predicted as Satanic in Revelations, and such.

What really cheesed me off however, was that I was a hard scientist and he started going after evolution. He said that if an evolutionist astronaut found a watch on the moon, he'd say that it evolved a glass face to protect itself and a watchband to move around, while a Catholic would have the simpler (and presumably correct) conclusion that God put it there. This blew my young mind and I soon decided that even if I didn't know how the world worked, this guy *definitely* didn't.

I guess at some level I also pitied those who were unable to face the harsh reality of an uncaring cosmos and that we are just dust in the wind (gotta love that song), saw them as deluded fools. Maybe I was jealous too, of not having the comfort of having someone besides me looking after me.

I've softened in my views considerably since. I believe that faith is an admirable, necessary quality to see us through hard times (even if it can be overused). I believe that there is a higher power, although it might just be our ability to create a version of heaven on Earth through our goodness, compassion and, dare I say it, love. Don't get me wrong, I'm not an Utopian idealist (bit of a hippie, though), but I do believe in doing kindness as often as you are able in order to make your local world a bit better. At the same time, I understand that kindness is easier when your life and current situation isn't too shitty, after all, I am a psychologist....

It's a big deal though, I hope there's a heaven (and one liberal enough to let me in for good behavior, despite my non-beliefs). If not, I'll take solace in the fact that it doesn't matter if there's no heaven and, if there's a hell, in all likelihood Gandhi will be there burning with me. I think that little Indian guy would make eternal pain a whole lot more bearable.

If you read this far, you probably have no life (go WoW!), but I appreciate you sharing you lack of life with me.

"go forth and do my bidding! Uh hang on, I'm sure I'll come up with some bidding soon...."