Had a lot of fun at Mike and Joyce's yesterday. And lets just forget that I cried out like a girl when I was zapped by Jay's machine (did that sound dirty to anyone else?)
Sue and I are off to Ohio today for my nephew's birthday. Should be fun, except for the whole "I have to get up at 5:00am to drive down" crap.
On the plus side, I'm up early enough for McDonald's breakfast! mmmmm......McGriddles.....so bad for me and soooo delicious...drool.
AP: Teen Decapitated at Six Flags amusement park
I would feel sorry for the kid, but really its just natural selection hard at work. Any retard stupid enough to have "hopped two fences and wandered into a restricted area where he was decapitated by the Batman roller coaster" really shouldn't be reproducing.
I like this part especially:
"All authorities know is that the teen hopped the fences to take the shortest route to the Batman ride from where he was..."
Fucking genius.
By the way: how the hell do you not notice the roller coaster car barreling at you at 50 miles an hour? Wouldn't you at least think, "hey, I wonder what all these big metal tubes are for? Maybe I should look around BEFORE I walk under them."
Biology was always my worst science subject (physics for the win!). But this was just too interesting not to post:
arstechnica.com : Tracking adaptation as bacteria evolve
A scientist with way more patience then I could ever muster has been tracking the evolution of 12 strains of E. Coli in his lab since 1988. He has now had over 44,000 generations play out.
The most fascinating thing was a change in one of the cell lines at around 33,000 generations:
The bacteria are growth-constrained by low levels of glucose, and most lines have evolved so that they burn through the glucose as quickly as possible, then wait for the next daily infusion. About 33,000 generations in, however, one line of bacteria did something else entirely: it began to digest the large amounts of citrate present in the media. This is more startling than it sounds, as E. coli is sometimes defined by its inability to metabolize citrate.
(Can you tell its summer and we are trying out different shows to fill the NetFlix void?)
Another show we just finished watching is Californication.
Another show that I just love. Its witty, dry, angry, and sexy; full of characters that hate themselves, ruin their own lives, but always have something interesting to say. Watch it. You'll love it.
New show to watch on Showtime: Secret Diary of a Call Girl
One word to describe it: SEXY!
First off, we all know about my fetish for British girls, especially when they say "knickers". That's just plain hot.
Second, its about a call girl who actually likes sex and is just happy to be paid to do it! DOUBLE HOT!!!
And finally, there is all the dressing up sexy, dirty talk, and generally hot interactions with the clients.
Oh how I love this show.
Yea, I missed posting yesterday. Sue and I atteneded one of my cousin's weddings yesterday and I just plain forgot in the hurry to get there on time.
It was a a great wedding. And we learned about a new and interesting group call The Vitiaim String Quartet. They are a string quartet (duh) that perform covers of various pop songs. For example, the parents walked down the aisle to the sound of Guns and Roses "Sweet Child of Mine" by a string quartet. At dinner we listened to several DMB songs covered by them as well.
Their music is available on iTunes if you are interested in checking it out.
UPDATE: They also have their own web site: http://www.vitaminrecords.com/web/page.asp?pgs=products&catid=20
We FINALLY got our economic stimulus check this week. Apparently the fact that I mailed in a check for what I owed as opposed to using direct deposit combined with the fact I always send my tax return in around April 12th ("but...but...It's my money!") means we were last on the list of people to get a check.
Since we owed a bunch, we got $1200 bucks. I'm trying to come up with something cool to buy with this. Any suggestions?
Things I already thought of and rejected:
1) Bribe Mike to steal me a penguin from the zoo - Penguins are dead to me thanks to their association with a certain team from Pittsburg.
2) Stuff for you - I'm WAYYYYY too selfish for that:)
3) Knight Rider GPS - Cool, but automatically disqualified for its association with "the Hoff".
4) Some sort of canon I can use to scare childern off the lawn - and maybe get them to turn their damn radio's down.
Come on readers! Think!
Sue and I have always joked that the way to stay together is to expose the other person to your crazy a little bit at a time. Below is an example of one of my crazies that I managed to hide from Sue for a few years.
Fun story: Last weekend Sue's mom and step dad flew out to Vegas, so we volunteered to keep Sue's two sisters with us for the weekend.
Of course, I also got roped into PC repair duty (it happens. I'm sure whenever anyone has a sick penguin, they bring it to Mike). We ran to Best Buy to buy a few things for the PC and while we were there, Sue and I picked up the latest Seether disc. Being the inpatient folk that we are, we popped it into the CD player on the way home to listen to it.
The first three songs play on the drive home. All are pretty tame and I'm not really thinking too much about the lyrics when the fourth song starts.
And now the funny part:
We've just gotten off the freeway. The first verse is pretty quiet and we've come to stop waiting to turn. Suddenly the chorus of the fourth song starts up. The lyrics are something like this:
"FUCK ME LIKE YOU HATE ME! Dig it up and whore me out. FUCK ME LIKE YOU HATE ME!"
Even better: We didn't think about the fact that the chorus would repeat again in about 1 minute later:)
Even even better: Our car stereo has had an issue for years where sometimes the volume knob does the OPPOSITE of what you want it do. When the second verse started, this was one of those times;)
Konrad needs one of these for all his lady friends...
http://www.thinkgeek.com/tshirts/ladies/a581/
NewScientist: Bad Guys Really Do Get the Most Girls
First off: You just know the guys who set up this study were just dumped for some guy on a motorcycle or some asshole in a band.
Second off: Apparently I'm 1/3 evil.
From the article:
The [evil] traits are the self-obsession of narcissism; the impulsive, thrill-seeking and callous behaviour of psychopaths; and the deceitful and exploitative nature of Machiavellianism...People with these personalities risk being shunned by others and shut out of relationships, leaving them without a mate, hungry and vulnerable to predators.
But being just slightly evil could have an upside: a prolific sex life, says Peter Jonason at New Mexico State University in Las Cruces. "We have some evidence that the three traits are really the same thing and may represent a successful evolutionary strategy."
It's been a while since I last bitched about work. I'm a little afraid you all think that I have this perfect job where I am stress free, working in my underwear at home, making a bunch of money, and then shut it all off whenever I want.
Sadly, that about as far away from the truth as you can get without approaching from the other side.
Like any job, I have good days and bad days. Lately it seems like I have WAY more bad days then good though. And it all boils down to one reason:
I fucking hate Matt.
Matt is the sort of developer that makes every other developer want to cock punch him...repeatedly...with a 2x4....that's on fire. Matt is one of the only people on Earth that given to chance to kill him without anyone finding out, I would really do it.
Its not that Matt isn't smart; oh how I wish it was that simple. Instead, Matt is a really smart guy who has the managerial skills of a rabid bear and the social skills of 3rd grader.
Good example: Yesterday I had a conversation with Matt that went something like this:
Matt: I think we should rename everything in the project to use this format < some technical garbage >
Me: We could I guess. I think this other format is simpler though, and we already have a bunch of code that uses it.
Matt: Really? Are you sure you we shouldn't just use my naming convention.
Me: Yes really. The current names are fine.
Matt: <long pause> OK. I'll ask some other people and we can talk about it later.
Translation: I don't like your answer, so I'm going to change the spec anyways and force you to change everything later.
And this is how it is with every decision on the project. Matt is one of those guys that can't let stand any decision that wasn't the one he would have made, even if the decision is really fine in the grand scheme of things. Things like naming internal tools, internal code layout, table formats: everything has to be "Matt's way" or it is wrong.
I fucking hate Matt.
My lack of blogging lately has made me angry. Angry and bitter that I can't be more funny/clever on a regular basis. So once again, here I am pledging to write one blog every day for 30 days. We all know its a lie. But play along for a while. Maybe start a pool about how long I can really write a blog a day. Maybe encourage me. Whatever turns you on.
Custom Creature Taxidermy - Fantasy
WTF! Taxidermy isn't creepy enough already? We had to creepy it up some more?
<shivers uncontrollably>
That is just plain f$%ked up. Who on this earth would want to create those sorts of things as a job?
And this from the website:
"This artist deals with death, in what is considered by most, an unconventional manner. She does not view a dead animal as disgusting or offensive. She feels that all creatures exhibit beauty in death, as well as in life, and pays homage to them by reincarnating them in her works of art."
I see. So the way you express the beauty of their death is to rearrange and mix all their parts with the parts of several other animals into something straight out of a Stephen King novel?
Fucking weird.
There has been a severe lack of blogging lately, and I have only me to blame. We've had a whole bunch of interesting things going on to. We've just been too lazy to write anything.
Quick run down:
* Worked a ton of hours
* Had Paul here for several days of Wii playing and general guy time.
* Went to the Detroit Electronic Music Festival.
* Baked to 350 degrees at a Tiger's game
* Started watching Big Love
* Realized I NEVER want 3 wives
* Offered Sue and her two sisters to Jay in return for Jenn and a pair of mules at Joyce's birthday
And that's just what I can remember off the top of my head.
Want to see if you can balance the budget better than the fat-cats and slim-cats in Warshington? Here's your flash-based chance:
http://marketplace.publicradio.org/features/budget_hero/
Sue and I went and saw Sex and the City this weekend. I really owed her for Indiana Jones, plus the 100 other action movies I have taken her too without any girly movies to offset.
First off, I was one of ten men in the whole packed theatre. Seriously. And as a man if you have never been in a room with 150 women vs. ten guys, let me just tell you it can be a little scary. I was worried I would be clawed to death if I laughed at the wrong moment.
All in all it was an enjoyable movie. Lots of girl power moments of course, but I laughed plenty and left thinking it was just like the TV show (which I liked), but an hour longer. Sadly, it did have one naked penis shot that I could have lived without. And what can only be described as the fakest tits I have ever seen ("um, aren't those supposed to, you know, move and stuff?").
Also: Sue thought my poll from this weekend was sexiest, so I've added one for the ladies as well.
I found this fun game the other day while trolling around slashdot.org (which by the way has the geekiest site name ever). Basically, it finds the click path between any two articles in Wikipedia as of March 3rd, 2008. According to the guy you wrote this application, it takes an average of 4.573 clicks to reach any article in Wikipedia from anywhere else.
For example, the link path between "fellatio" and "Hilter" is
Fellatio-> Condom->2003->Human shield->Hilter
Amusing to say the least;)
http://arstechnica.com/journals/science.ars/2008/05/21/robo-gigolo-discloses-the-nature-of-condom-failure
Durex scientists built a sex robot to try to figure out why condoms break. The article actually has a picture of it too!
Take note! This is the important part: Their conclusion was the only way to really break a condom is to use one without enough lube. Yet another great reason to use plenty of lube.
The weirdest thing about this article is that it mentioned that they figured out the issue based on condoms that people had returned. What sort of sick, sick person saves a used broken condom and then returns it to the manufacturer? Who the hell are these people?
Paul, Sue, and I all went and say Indiana Jone and the Temple of the Crystal Skull last Friday. As you can guess from the title of this blog, our experience was less than stellar.
It sucked. It sucked for a whole host of reasons. More than I can even count.
1) Physics. Seriously. I don't ask much from my action movies. All I ask is that you be consistent. You know; if something is so magentic that when I throw it in the air it shoots across the room, it should be that way when it is in my pocket as well.
2) Monkeys: Yes, that's right. Monkeys attack Nazis, and only Nazis. Just saying that out loud should be enough to let you know something about this movie.
3) Guns vs. a Whip: How the fuck do a bunch of people with guns not kill a dude with a whip?
4) Generally bad script: Its not even that acting was that bad. The script was horrible. A barrage of one liners followed by huge elaborate scenes built around those one liners.
FYI: I've uploaded all our pictures from the Up North trip last weekend to my myspace account.
Happy anniversary to us!!
Today we celebrate 7 years as man and wife. Go us!! I love you more and more everyday Eric!!!
Sue: "You're my sugar daddy!"
Me: "I'm not your sugar daddy. At best, I may be your Splenda daddy."
I uploaded all our photo's from Mike's birthday to my myspace account
http://viewmorepics.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewPicture&friendID=44780954&albumId=1699899
This post requires one of those warning labels that Konard posted last month:
I was looking at the Wikipedia article for foreplay yesterday because of this xkcd comic, and I laughed out loud when I read the following needed a citation.
Stimulation can be achieved by mouth, hands, sex toys like dildos or vibrators, or common household objects like feathers or ice cubes [citation needed]
You may recall a post last month about a "Tournament of Hotties". Well, they have a winner:
Tournament of Hotties Champion - Hayden Panettiere
What? WHAT????
Don't get me wrong. I like a hot chick who wears a cheerleader outfit in a sci-fi show as much as the next geek. But COME ON!
I'm sorry, but if I had to choose between Hayden Panettiere and, say, Elisha Cutbert or Eva Longoria or even Adriana Lima, Hayden Panettiere would be given the highest number from my "take a number for sex" device (I'd still do her of course. I just wouldn't want to waste my best stuff on her).
Also, what the fuck is that picture of her licking the Stanley Cup? That's not hot (note: picture of her licking a woman's clothed boob near the bottom: HOT!)
I was shopping around Kroger today and I came across this sign.
Somehow I immediately imagined a TV show where pies perform various song, dance, and talent routines.
And then I thought, "that's the dumbest thing you have ever thought of".
And then I thought, "Is it? Or is it the most delicious thing you have ever thought of!"
Another blog of our weekend adventures. Sunday night we went to see My Chemical Romance at The Fillmore (formerly The State Theater) in Detroit. It was freakin awesome! They put on a great show! They remind me of Smashing Pumpkins and that is why I love them!! Of course I think the lead singer Gerard Way is a cutie so I didn't mind staring at him all night. He is very animated when he performs too. We had main floor seats but we stood in the section that did not involve moshing. Why do people mosh? It looked very painful and idiotic. Anytime your junk and head are in immediate danger is not a good time!! But I digress...
It was a lot of fun and they played all of my favorite songs. Eric and I dressed in our favorite black clothes so we could blend in ;) And we were not the oldest people there. There were quite a few people are age that went to see the concert plus all of the parents that took there kids. Plus we got to drink too!
We also met one of the coolest and cutest 7 year olds ever! I hope my kids are like him. His mom took him to the concert because he loves MCR. He was dressed in all black with a white and black neck tie. His mom said he is very smart and very artistic and he just started listening to the band on his own. He started listening to the Ramones when he was 5 and he is an up and coming talented artist.
I couldn't think of a title, sue me!
Eric and I have had an action packed weekend so I am writing 2 blogs to recap! Friday night we were bored and went to dinner and a movie. We saw "Forgetting Sarah Marshall" with Jason Segel, one of our favorite actors from one of the greatest shows ever, "How I Met Your Mother". It also has Mila Kunis from "That 70's Show"; we are glad she got another job. It also had many other funny actors and actresses in it.
This was one of the funniest movies I have seen in a while. It was funnier than Super Bad and I would say a tad funnier than Knocked Up! Go see it! And watch How I Met Your Mother too! You will not be sad!
Is it wrong that I both want to see this movie and BE these peoples?
And why must Star Wars and Star Trek fans always fight? Shouldn't our nerdiness bring us together instead of break us apart?
Does anyone else read the headline for the following article and think it wasn't written very well:
Clinton: 'Not relevant' last time I went to church, fired gun
It sounds like they are questioning her about the last time she performed a drive by at a church:)
(Note: I stole the idea for this blog from Sue. I'm sorry)
BBC News: Daily caffeine 'protects brain'
From the article:
Coffee may cut the risk of dementia by blocking the damage cholesterol can inflict on the body, research suggests. The drink has already been linked to a lower risk of Alzheimer's Disease, and a study by a US team for the Journal of Neuroinflammation may explain why.
Given how much caffiene I consume in a given day, it is possible that my brain will NEVER die. I imagine I'm going to end up like one of those talking heads in a jar from Futurama:)
NY Times: Bill to Regulate Tobacco Moves Forward
So I'm perusing this article just to see what sorts of regulations they are planning on when I hit this golden nugget of a quote from John Dingell, a representative from my state:
Representative John D. Dingell, a Michigan Democrat, acknowledged that the bill was not perfect. “In a perfect world, we’d ban all cigarettes,” he said. “But the hard fact of the matter is that there are a lot of jobs depending on this. And more importantly, there are a lot of people out there who are addicted to this and they've got to have their fix.”
I'm in class today helping my employer's education services group demo some new stuff we are doing to process forms. As an example, they downloaded the Wisconsin Income Tax form (see here).
Look at this screenshot I took of the bottom of the first page and tell me that is not just a little crazy.
If your like me and you don't care that much about basketball, you may find all this NCAA hype a little much. Luckily, there is another tournament going on that may be a bit more interesting to you ;)
subwaychatter.com: 2008 Tournament of Hotties
(Warning: Its not unsafe safe for work per say, but it does have a lot of pictures of scantly clad girls. Surf at your own risk. Also, the site provider Yahoo will randomly block the site every once in a while for using too much bandwidth.)
Here are my picks:
Movie Bracket:
ELISHA CUTHBERT v JESSICA BIEL - No contest. If I ever get around to building a sexbot, its going to look exactly like Elisha Cuthbert.
JESSICA ALBA v KATE BECKINSALE - Jessica Alba never really did it for me (except that scene with the whip in Sin City). Meanwhile, Kate Beckinsale was in Underworld as a bad ass vampire chick. HOTNESS.
Overall winner: Elisha Cuthbert
TV Bracket:
EVA LONGORIA v HAYDEN PANETTIERE - Tough one for me. Hayden Panettiere has that whole Sci-fi babe thing going for her, which is awesome in my book. On the other side, Eva Longoria is pure Latino hotness. Have to go with Eva on this one.
VANESSA MARCIL v STACEY KEIBLER - Honestly, I didn't have any idea who either of these women were. I had to look them both up. Vanessa Marcil is from Las Vegas, and Stacey Keibler is from the WWE. Neither really does anything for me, but if I have to vote I guess I would give it to Stacey Keibler.
Overall winner: Eva Longoria
Music Bracket:
JESSICA SIMPSON v CANDICE HILLEBRAND - No question here. Although I would demand that Jessica Simpson not ruin the sex by speaking.
SHAKIRA v CARRIE UNDERWOOD - Another tough one. I think Carrie Underwood is prettier overall, but Shakira has the hips and flexibility thing, not to mention the non-country music sound, so I'm giving it to her.
Overall winner: Jessica Simpson
Modeling Bracket:
GISELLE v ALESSANDRA AMBROSIO - Just for being so pretentious as to have only one name, I'm giving it to Alessandra Ambrosio. Plus, I don't think that Giselle has the prettiest face.
ADRIANA LIMA v MARISA MILLER - Adriana Lima no question. I've had a huge crush on her ever since I first saw her in a Victoria Secrets ad!
Overall winner: Adriana Lima
Bal En Blanc kicked my ass this year. I feel like crap and just want to lie down and curse the sun for being so bright....
More to come later.
The Freakonomics blog has a fascinating blurb about a study on the placebo effect (by the way, this blog is really good most days if you like econ and/or understanding why people make the decisions they do . If you like that sort of thing, check it out).
NYTimes: More Expensive Placebos Bring More Relief
From the article:
The subjects were given an initial series of electric shocks and asked to rate the pain they felt after each shock. The subjects were then allowed to take a placebo pill that they were told was similar to codeine. In fact, the pill had no direct medical benefit at all. While half of the patients were told that their (false) treatment cost $2.50 per pill, the other half were told that their pill had been discounted to $0.10 per pill. They were then given a second series of electric shocks, and once again, asked about how much it hurt.
While 85 percent of the patients taking the $2.50 pill reported that the second set of shocks were less painful, only 61 percent of those taking the (identical!) $0.10 pill reported the shocks to be less painful. So the more expensive the pill, it seems, the larger its perceived effect — even when the pill actually has no medical effect!
Like most states, Michigan allows drivers to select a custom license plate in order to benefit specific charities. Some of them make a lot of sense, like dontating to a children's fund, veteran's fund, or a fund to protect wildlife hbitat.
All well and good until I came across this one:
According to the Michigan Secretary of State, this plate raises funds for "Proud To Be American". Is anyone else confused?
Buy A Date With Scarlett Johansson
Every guy is thinking the same thing:
1) Scarlett Johansson is offically a whore.
2) I can think of all sorts of ways that she could...entice...a lot of money for this charity.
3) When she says you will be her "escort", is she talking about the sorts of "escort" services that advertise on CraigsList and the back of the Metro Times? (oh I do hope so)
4) How much do I have in my bank account again?
From The New York Times:
Fla. and Mich. Governors: Give Us Our Delegates
Florida and Michigan are demanding that either the DNC accept the results of their elections or pay to have them run a new election.
Now I know I am betraying my own state by saying this, but there is no way the DNC should give in to this pressure. Michigan and Florida both knew what the party rules said about moving the date of your primary. Hell, members from the state party helped draft and approve the rules!
The bottom line is they knew the consequences and they ignored them.
Change the rules for them now, and you can bet that in the next election both parties would have a full on revolt on their hands where every state would move their primaries forward knowing that the rules aren't going to be enforced anyways. That way leads to chaos.
Worse, you are really punishing Obama for following the rules the party set forth (no campaigning in these states, take your name off the ballot, etc). That just doesn't seem fair. It would be like changing the number of delegates that Rhode Island gets from 21 to 121 now that the election is over there.
Bottom line: It sucks my voice was not heard in the Democrat primary, but I don't blame the DNC. I blame my state legislature. You should too.
Sue and I have just finished the first season of the HBO series Tell Me You Love Me. I generally like the show's deep characters and interesting take on married life, but it has a tendency to have these really unnecessarily long / uncomfortable sex scenes. Its hard to describe, but imagine if late night Cinemax skin flicks actually had deep characters and a plot and some interesting things to point out about the world.
The best part is that Sonya Walger is on the show. That's both really good and really bad.
Its good because:
You know how I keep telling everyone, "I'm just not sure how a Democract can lose this year..."
I remember now:
CNN: Ralph Nader enters presidential race
I just finished reading Neuromancer by William Gibson, a classic sci-fi book from 1984 that pratically defined cyberpunk as a genre.
This is what books are supposed to be: deep, thought provoking, with intricate plots and even more intricate sub plots. If you like cyberpunk at all, I would recommend you go pick up a copy of this book (or just borrow mine). Also, according to IMDB they are making a movie of this book for release in 2009 that will star Hayden Christensen, so you know that will suck. Trust me that you want to read the book instead before that ruins your outlook on it.
Useless trivia: Neuromancer is where we got the word "cyberspace" from, widely used to describe the internet.
http://ctrlaltdel-online.com/
Ctrl-alt-del is a hilarious web comic with both really good art and really funny comics. If you are a gamer and you're not already reading this, get with the program already!
Start with this one and read until at least the current comic to get a feel for it:
http://ctrlaltdel-online.com/comic.php?d=20080202
CNN Video - Shooter's girlfriend: 'He was a victim, too'
Text version
This is what is wrong with America. Everyone is a fucking victim.
If you walk into a crowded hall and randomly shot six people for NO FUCKING REASON and then kill yourself, I REFUSE to classify you as a victim.
And then she has to gall to say about the families of the slain victims, "I know what they're going through". What a fucking ego-nut. You're boyfriend just killed someone's son or daughter and you are going to pretend that because you were dating their killer for 2 years you know what that is like?
Events like this make me think gun control laws either need to be much stronger or we should just get rid of them all together. This half ass crap we have now is a joke.
As part of Pedigree's yearly adoption drive, they have formed this mosaic made out of dog pictures. Anyone can add their pooch to it. I added Bob and Bella to it and it is pretty cool to check out. All of the individual pics make a large dog picture.
http://www.dogsrule.com/03Adoption/Million%20Dog%20Mosaic/Default.aspx?zjxj=01500004W1073469W602W0#empty
Bob's code: bob16
Bella: bella113
Sue: "What's the male equivalent of roses on Valentines day?"
Me: "Beer. Or maybe tools."
What do you think the equivalent is?
Detroit Free Press: Federal appeals court overturns Texas sex toys ban
Can someone explain to me why a state was trying to tell people what they could / could not put in any of their holes in the privacy of their homes in the first place?
Personally, I fully believe that a "Right to Insert Things" should have been listed in the UN's Universal Declaration of Human Rights. Guess I know what my next letter writing campaign will be about:)
Random Trivia: Of course, Alabama is now the only state in the Union where the sale the sex toys is illegal. The lady suing the state to get back the right to sell them owns a "sex shop" in Huntsville, AL that Sue and I used to visit from time to time (mostly for gag and 3rd anniversary gifts).
The New York Times has an nice summary article up about which shows will get any new episodes before the fall now that the writers strike is over:
NY Times: Strike Fallout - A Complete Guide To How Your Favorite Shows Are Affected
Super Tuesday Not For Bexar Voters
From the article:
SAN ANTONIO -- All the talk about Super Tuesday apparently caused confusion for many voters in Bexar County.
More than 1,000 calls poured into the Bexar County Elections Department on Monday from voters wanting to know where they could vote in Tuesday's primary.
Problem is -- Texas isn't holding a primary on Tuesday, like more than 20 states are.
In case you forgot to check it out after the Super Bowl:
Godaddy.com: Danica Patrick Exposed
I can see why that was rejected by FOX :)
I can't believe this is a real movie coming out this summer: Ninja Cheerleaders
And yet, there it is on IMDB: IMDB: Ninja Cheerleaders
This is the synopsis from the web site:
April, Courtney and Monica are three beautiful, intelligent and tough college freshmen. They are finishing their first semester at Los Lomas Malas community college, the armpit of community college's. They must do well on finals to gain entrance to an Ivy League University, cheer at the big game and rescue their Sensei, who has been kidnapped by the mob, all by midnight so they can compete in the all-city strip off with the hopes of winning college money. All the while, dodging nosy cops, keeping their parents at bay, dealing with a perverted coach and smiling, talking or fighting their way through a slew of odd characters.
Seriously? That's the plot of the movie I would have written in sixth grade. Who the hell is green-lighting films in Hollywood these days?
Sue is awesome! She came up with the name of this blog!!!!!!
We watched Live Free or Die Hard today on.....DUN DUN DUN.... our new 50" Plasma TV! And up-converter DVD player! OH YEA!!! I had a hard on through the entire movie!!!!!! FUCK YA!!!! I WANT TO HUG THE TV!
I'm drunk on Merlot!!!! Yuppie drunk fest!! Stupid french for having the last letter always be silent.
Now we are watching Groove. People are high in a much higher resolution.
Sue: "I DON'T NEED Internet Explorer HELP!!! YOU NEED HELP!!!!!!"
Sue: "Don't quote me all the time! Come up with your own funny stuff..."
Considering how drunk I am, I'm really impressed by how well I can type right now.
Sue: "HELLO CUTE BOYS!!!!!"
Sue: "Fuck you DISNEY! I FOUND A WAY AROUND YOUR DAMN SCHEMES! FUCKING HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL COMMERICAL! FUCK YOU!"
I used caps lock too much in this blog
My favorite quotes from my Sue yesterday:
'Who the fuck names their kid "Mitt" anyways?'
'Damn you Democratic party for making me vote Republican so that my vote would count!'
'I felt dirty when they put an 'R' next to my name.'
Still not sure who to vote for and want to base your decision on more than 5 second sound bites and who has the best hair? Try out NPR's Select a Candidate tool.
According to this I should vote for Edwards or Obama.
From Ars Technica: Circumcision doesn't affect sexual satisfaction, performance
Thank God, cause I imagine putting that back on is a BITCH!
Besides, I never believed it could really get that much better than it already feels during the "happy moment". Hell, much more and I would probably be passing out during it:) Which no one wants. That last thing your girl wants when you hit the big O is for you to head butt her (picture scene from Superbad where Seth passes out into Jules head) ;)
Although that would get me out of cuddling...
My co-workers and I held our second bar-Olympics yesterday. It was testament to both our need to be men sometimes and our desperate need to get the f#$k out of the house.
Recap:
11:00am - Gather for events in Novi. We settle on 5 events: Darts, pool, bowling, hoops, and skee-ball.
11:30am - Lunch at On the Border. This is a decision that will haunt us the rest of the day.
12:00am - Before we get too inebriated, we decide that we should start with the event that will require the most coordination: darts. Surprisingly, due to a combination of luck and me being a complete point whore who can hit 20s pretty easily, I manage to get 2nd place in this event. 2 beers and more than a few questions of "why oh why did we choose Mexican food for lunch?", and we are off.
1:00pm - Stop at Mongolian BQ for cheap beer. We eat here enough that we all bought 28oz mugs that we can refill for $2.50 with whatever is on tap whenever eat. Drain them and the lizard (twice; I have the bladder of an 85 year old man) and it's time for more events at Lucky's.
1:30pm - Round robin tournament of pool. My alcohol tolerance is clearly not what it used to be. Last year by this point I was just drunk enough that my pool skill was at its height. This year, I'm WAYYYYY past that point. I can't hit anything that covers more than 1/2 the table, and even then its sad how many I miss. I lose to every one of my co-workers and end up in last in this event.
2:00pm - Three games of Skee-ball. I've sobered up a bit for this event. I win two out of the three games, but end up in second only because the winner got some ridiculous high score on the first game (stupid random doubling of your throws).
2:30pm - Hoops: yea.....We all know I suck at hoops. Lets just move on.
3:00pm - Last event is Bowling. I can tell from my final score that I do way too much bowling on the Wii. And drinking; WAY too many Jack and Cokes by this point. All I can say is that the game is lot different when the ball doesn't weight 6ozs.
So my final score: 2 second place finishes and 3 last place finishes:( boooo!
Per tradition, we took of the tickets we had won during skeeball and hoops and bought a suitable trophy. Last year it was a Dashboard Hula Girl. This year: A stuffed GoBo Fraggle.
We should get the Detroit crew together to try this out. Although we may have to make it guys only. I don't think I could stand the shame of losing to a girl in Hoops or darts:)
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With all the buzz going on lately for the presidential primaries, I'm a little bitter that my vote in the Democrat primary next Tuesday won't even count! Bah. Ah well. I can take some comfort in the fact that if Romney loses here on Tuesday, that will pretty much be the end of his campaign.
Now I just have to decide if I should vote for the Republican I dislike the least (McCain) or if I should vote for the guy who would have the most trouble beating the Democrats (got to go with Hunter here. Who the heck is this guy any ways?).
The guy I don't want to see nominated: Huckabee. I've seen him on the Colbert Report a few times and every time I've thought that, "this is a reasonably smart, charismatic guy who can woo with the best of them". Hell, if he wasn't such an die-hard right wing religious guy, I might even be able to vote for him. This is a guy who could beat a Democrat.
I guess it could be worse. Honestly, if I look over every president in my lifetime, I can't help but notice that when it comes to moral issues and social changes, the president really can't do a hell of a lot. Congress is too divided on the real issues for there to be any real changes to things like gun control, abortion, etc. So the fact of the matter is I'm voting for the guy/gal who will best handle foreign affairs and budget issues. Maybe throw Social Security (yea right...) and universal health care on the pile. But moral and social issues? Not a chance.
Seattle Times: Blood-alcohol level of Woodinville driver breaks state record
She blew 0.47%! Holy crap that is impressive. Especially since .35 is the point where most people black out and .40 and above is about the level that 50% of the population would just stop breathing.
The record for highest blood alcohol level in Washington is now held by a 135 lbs 54 year old woman. If I was a man in Washington state, I would be flat out embarrassed by that. Men are supposed to be the ones who drink way too much!
I also like the fact that she had posted bail for another DUI charge THE PREVIOUS DAY!
There are multiple videos of me drunk and doing stupid things on the internet. It's like I'm a celebrity now!
Reports of me having sex on New Years Eve have been greatly exaggerated.
We got 15" of snow here at my house on New Years. I had to shovel the driveway just to get my car back on to it. Speaking of snow, the drive home REALLY sucked. It took us an hour and a half for what is normally a 40 minute drive. At several points on I-96, there was only one lane actually plowed. And I'm not sure a plow trunk ever made it to US-23.
I apologize if the spelling in this blog sucks. I'm sooooooo drunk right now. W00t!!!!!! DRINKING!!!!!! For the win!!!!!!!
I'm going to fuck Sue now. Wish me luck!
We are staying at Mike's house now. This could be weird, but I'm going to just go with whatever I feel like doing; which right now is SEX!!!!!
You can take LOST and The Sopranos off the list of shows that you can't talk to us about.
LOST drives me insane. It's like the show intentionally try to tell you nothing. Every time you think there is going to be a conversation about anything, you get exactly nothing. Oh I'll watch it because that is the sort of person I am, but I'm still angry about it.
Worst thing is people who told me, "oh, lots of things get answered this season". God damn liars. NOTHING gets explained. Nothing that matters anyways.
It's officially winter today. Do you know why? I fell on my ass after I slipped on some ice in front of our house for the first time today. Like that first robin the denotes the start of spring, me falling on my butt in front of the neighborhood kids really gets me in the winter spirit...
I watched a documentary this evening called "Cocaine Cowboys". It's about the cocanine drug trade in Miami during the late 1970s and early 1980s. Its really interesting, especially the parts about how they got the drugs in, just how much money these dealers were making, and how that money changed the entire metro-area.
Something to watch.
Photos from the Christmas Party:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/wilsone9/
And yes, I know my blog is rapidly devolving into nothing more than a photo gallery. Hopefully some actual thoughts by myself or Sue or even Paul will show up here again at some point soon.
Below is a picture of my hotel room's door here in Atlanta. These guys think of EVERYTHING!
You know those 747s that NASA uses to move the shuttle from where ever it lands back to Kennedy Space Center? Here is a link to a picture of the mount used to attached the Shuttle to the 747:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Shuttle_mounting_point.JPG
Apparently the guys who built it had a good sense of humor.
Puppan Wedding Photo Slideshow
Update: Changed the title to include Joyce!
I love this video. Although they show it, they forgot to mention the all important "no crotch touching" rule. Only your sholders should touch.
giving, and receiving, and loving your fellow man, and.....
Mint Chocolate M&Ms!
Oh my God do I love mint chocolate M&Ms. I love them so much that right around New Years, I will start hording them so that I can enjoy them for a few more months (this is really true). Yesterday I bought 4 bags just in case there was a huge run on them or something. And each year when I get down to the end of that last bag...well...I go through the full seven stages of grief.
Disbelief: "No worries. I'm sure there is another bag in the house -or- I'm sure they are still selling them at the store"
Denial: "NO!!! There must be another bag somewhere in the house! Where is it?!?!?!?!"
Anger: "Why the fuck don't they make these all year?!?!? WHY?!?!?! DAMN YOU MARS CANDY FOR THIS!"
Bargaining: "I'm sorry MARS. I swear I will never curse your name again if you can just make me a few more bags to get me through the year."
Guilt: "Why didn't I stock up on more bags?!?!?!? Why didn't I eat them just a little slower??"
Depression: "Guess I'll just go back to regular M&Ms. <long sigh>. No, I'm fine. I just want to be left alone for a few days. You might want to take all the sharp items from the room though. And these shoelaces. Just in case..."
Acceptance: "Just think: the Christmas season is starting earlier every year. Soon, I will be able to get them in July!"
Still bored. Still in Atlanta.
Jimmy Eat World is not the best band in the world, but I think they have made one of all time favorite songs of all time: My Sundown
Listen to the song first before reading on.
If you can listen to the line "I could be so much more than this....No one cares...I wanna be so much more than this" (starts around 4:00 minute mark) and not feel...well...something, then you are a dead robot. Sorry, but it's the truth.
Every time I hear this song, I feel this urge get out and do something to change the fucking world. I think it is because, deep down, I know that everything I do these days has no bearing on the world. I mean, my last job was great for at least giving me this feeling that, for better or worse, I was having a real honest to god effect on the world through work. And despite what I told people at the time, I think I really liked what my job meant to me: helping (in whatever small way) to rid the world of some really horrible people.
Now what do I do? I fucking help a group like In Touch Ministries process magazine orders faster so that they can process 10,000 orders a day by mail instead of just 5,000. I want to hurt myself for that. In Touch processes so much money through book and magazine orders, not to mention straight up donations that they can afford to have their own TV and radio studios on site, a print design group, warehouse, and do all their own mailing processing in house. I think about how much money I am looking at just in the construction of their offices here and our software ($250,000+ just for our system) and I just can't help but think this money could really be used for something better. Sometime more Christan (if I even know what that means anymore).
It sucks having these feelings........Who needs a drink?
Or early morning blog. It depends on your point of view I guess.
I'm in Atlanta for work just sitting in my hotel thinking about nothing. TV sucks. Internet isn't cutting it. I can't sleep. So I blog.
And you know what I am thinking about? Something that has divided men since it was first invented. Something that can stir men to the greatest of feats and the lowest of low acts. I'm talking, of course, about the push up bra.
Yep: push up bras.
Some men hate the push up bra. They see it as a form of false advertising. Either you got em or you don't, in these men's minds. No fair pretending you do when you don't.
Not me. I love the push up bra. To me, it says, "I have breasts and I want to put them up high so that EVERYONE can see them." Nothing wrong with that! Healthy self conscience is good for you after all. Who doesn't like the idea of a woman who wants you to oogle her breasts? (Of course, they say they don't want you to look. But they do. Why push them up/together otherwise?)
Your thoughts?
WTF?!!?!??!
My neighbor put up Christmas lights today! And I can see in his upstairs window that he already has his Christmas tree up!
Newsflash: IT'S SIX WEEKS TO CHRISTMAS ASSHOLE!
Everyone knows you put Christmas lights up no earlier than the day after Thanksgiving. Its like the law or something.
http://arstechnica.com/journals/science.ars/2007/11/04/the-breast-is-best
I now have a new MOST important reason ladies should not smoke: saggy breasts!
From the article:
They examined each patient's medical history, body mass index, pre-pregnancy bra cup size, and smoking status. What they found was that the degree of breast ptosis was no different in women who breastfed compared to those who did not. They did find that the degree of ptosis was related to age, the number of pregnancies, and whether or not a patient smoked."Smoking breaks down a protein in the skin called elastin, which gives youthful skin its elastic appearance and supports the breast... so it would make sense that it would have an adverse effect on the breasts", Dr. Rinker concluded.
What the heck happened to the Sun? I swear it was setting around 7:00 until today. All of the sudden it's 6:00pm and pitch black outside. Bah...
Work is in one of those lull before the big storm moments (I'll be in Atlanta the next two weeks to install beta software), and I never know how to fill these lulls. With Sue gone, I had one of those depressed, sit in my office by myself, and resist the urge to look for pictures of people doing things my mother would not approve of days, read all the blogs I can find, and write email all day. I HATE THESE DAYS.
Give me something to do! LOTS TO DO! I feed off that sense of accomplishment during work when I hit the run button and see some new widget that I built with only my brain and 2 hands come to life on my screeen. Without I feel bored, guilty (for not doing anything), and generally worthless.
Bah....
Our house is officially on quarantine.
I've been so sick the last two days. I should have written blogs about Mike's wedding and our Halloween party and my trip to Wisconsin. Between the three I was drunk 3 out of four days in a row. (What am I? In college?). Instead, all you get is this lame blog about how I am sick with the flu. I could have made it 4 out 5 if it wasn't for hiding in my room the last night in Wisconsin praying that I would not die.
I don't feel well enough to do anything except the following:
1) cudddling up under the blanket on the couch claiming that I am freezing to death.
2) Wake up an hour later sweating like a hooker in chruch.
3) Eat soup.
4) goto step 1.
At least I managed to get Sue sick too. Misery loves company:)
And I know it is wrong, but I'm taking some joy thinking that at least some of those smart ass 13 year old kids you came here last night for candy are now feeling as crappy as I do.
Deputy mayor dies in monkey attack
Wow. It's like The Simpsons episode where they go to Brazil (Blame it On Lisa, my favorite episode by far), but in real life.
And I love this quote from the end, "Over the years, city authorities have employed monkey catchers who use langurs -- a larger and fiercer kind of monkey -- to scare or catch the macaques, but the problem persists."
Why do I get the feeling that in a year or two I will be reading an article with the title "Entire upper parliment of India held hostage in daring monkey raid."
And somewhere in that article will be a quote along the lines of "We do not negotiate with monkeys! Ever! If we give in to their demands for bananas now, they will only demand a better tire swing and more ropes to swing from."
Bloody, beaten, and smelling like industrial paint, our heroes (and they are heroes! Anyone who returns from war is a hero. No matter how many times he was shot or screamed like a little girl) move on to some more low key events.
2:00pm - Start drinking and playing cards. When Mike complains we are bringing him drinks too fast, I make statement that "if you don't throw up tonight, we haven't done our jobs".
3:00pm - We watch the first five minutes of the MSU/OSU game and immediately assume all is lost (turns out we were right).
3:05pm - Head to Mongolian Barbecue to cook some raw meat.
3:30pm - Mike is deputized as an official boob inspector. He retains the badge the rest of the night.
6:00pm - head to Canada. On the way our car learns the new insult "You know how I know you are gay?" thanks to (1) a discussion of our weight and (2) people who shall remain nameless stating that Journey was a good 80s band.
7:30pm - reach border. Guard asks us where we are going. Kien gives the now immortal answer of "The bachelor party". Not "A bachelor party". Oh no. This is THE bachelor party! Surprisingly, this answer does not get us strip searched. I think unless we actually used the words "bomb" "Canada" and "hockey" all in the same sentence, that guard was not going to stop us.
9:30pm - Check in, get everyone smelling sort of fresh (as fresh as people who have eaten at MBQ can), and head out to the strip club.
10:00pm - Arrive at Million Dollar Salon. Place is dead, prices are way too much for drinks, and worse they only have 6 girls on rotation at the moment. Boo! On the plus side, I will say they had some impressively flexible girls:)
10:15pm - Start survey of the table of what they like best about chicks: Tits, ass, or legs? In a shocking (at least to me) result, tits and ass are tied at 4 each and legs gets one vote.
10:30pm - We've seen the entire rotation, so we decide we need a new venue. Head out to Rush Bar to get drunk on cheap beer ($2 for a Molsen? Sign me up!)
11:00 - 1:30pm - Everyone gets good and drunk. Mike is a complete pimp. He single handily gets girls to talk to each of the single guys in our party and manages to get 5 girls to dance for him. Committed guys keep getting crappy test tube shots from this incredibly tall/hot waitress. So easy to get us to do stuff when you dress like that! The other waitress is even hotter (schoolgirl outfit and pigtails!) but I just cannot bring myself to buy her girlie drinks.
I only vaguely remember what went on here. I do remember alcohol causing me to have ADHD and wandering around all over the bar. Also, while I was not quite the pimp that Mike was, I certainly was feeling no fear of chicks by this point.
1:30pm - OK, time to get our boy some lap dances. We head to Cheetahs (now THAT is a strip club name!) and are immediately glad we did.
2:00pm - Mike's gotten two lap dances.
2:05pm - Mike is throwing up in the bathroom.
2:30pm - Jeff, Mike, Josh, and I head back to the hotel to crash. Mike is wiped from throwing up and I'm just flat out tired.
I know other things happened, but I was fast asleep in my room after this. Make them write a blog if you want to know.
Mike is officially ready for marriage now that we have had his bachelor party. Some of it is a bit hazy for me, but here is what I remember:
9:00am - Arrive for our manly event of the day: paintball!!!! Manly-ness some what reduced by all the whining about how fucking early it is.
9:30am - Finally have all the equipment and paint and all the rules explained to us. We all decide to not enforce their standard 20' rule (this will haunt us later). Time to go to war!!!! We divide up into teams as follows:
Team A (winners)
Konrad
Eric
Sergei
Sasha
Jeff
Team B (losers)
Mike
Kien
Josh
Chris
Frank
First event: Attack the house. One team defends a flag behind a small house. The other is trying to take the flag or kill all the defenders. The house is surrounded by trees and a lot of old cars. Team A defends first.
9:35am - Kien is the first guy hit. And boy is he HIT: 2 shots right to the top of the head. He looks like a candy raver for the rest of the morning :)
9:45am - Defenders manage to kill all the attackers just before time runs out (I'm the only defender left). Teams switch positions.
9:46am - three guys on my team are picked off in the first minute while running in the open. Defenders laugh and point at us.
9:55am - Once again, I'm the last one left alive, but this time it's 4 on 1. I'm starting to think the 20' rule might have been a good idea. The 4 have me pinned behind a car, and I can't see where anyone is.
10:01am - I call them pussies to try and get them out in the open.
10:02am - There haven't been many shots, so I start to stick my head up to see what is going on. Mike has snuck up to about 15' feet away and blasts me in the forehead. I scream "OOOOWWWWWW!!!THAT HURT!!!!" Leave pride on the field and continue to next field.
10:30am - Next field is the "pipe field". Shorter field with lots of PVC pipes set up mostly at random to act as barriers. Team A consistently dominates this field. Some of it is lucky shots and some is better strategy.
11:30am - Next field is the "Lego" field. Lots of large plastic boxes strewn around the field, with a set of PVC pipes running along each side of the field. Once again, team A dominates (with one exception). We consistently take control of one side or another of the field, then proceed to roll up the rest of field killing everyone.
noon - Ref suggests we try one final game for the bachelor called "zombie". Mike and Konrad defend a castle (with all the expected ramparts and higher levels). Everyone else starts at middle of the field and attacks the defenders. Attackers only die from head shots, and they only have to run back to the middle of the field before attacking again. Go until the defenders cry uncle.
All I will say is that it was ugly. We clocked in a twisted ankle, several shots to the hands, head, and masks, and a painful shot to the groom's neck that finally ended the game.
12:30pm - Last event. Last man standing tournament. Mike was way ahead in kills, but in the end Josh got in a lucky shot from across the field to finish the winner.
1:00pm - Tired, sore, sporting welts that look like cigar burns, and all thanking our lucky stars we never took a shot in the goodies, we head to Mike's uncle's house for a little R&R.
Tomorrow: Second half of our night.
Yesterday I had another of those "why I know I'm a science dork" moments.
I was cooking a 3 lbs ham in our oven. For those who don't know, you cook ham by putting it in a glass baking pan, add a cup of water, and covering it in tin foil. Then you cook it for 20 minutes per pound at 325 degrees.
Ok, so now that we have that out of the way, here is the nerdy science part:
- The temperature inside the oven is above the boiling point of water (212 degrees)
- The ham is sitting in a glass container and surrounded by tin foil. Both conduct heat very well.
- The ham was in the oven for an hour and 20 minutes.
- When I took the ham out, there was still a lot of water in the bottom of the pan.
So my nerdy science question is "why didn't all the water boil away?"
I have no idea. But the fact that I even thought it tells me that I must be a science dork.
Sue and I are loving this new season of TV. So far we are watching all of these shows:
LIFE - Weird, but I like it. The lead character's Zen approach is a nice and interesting touch. Plus, it has already had a wet t-shirt scene on the hot DJ chick from The L-Word.
Pushing Daisies - We watched the pilot yesterday. The writing is excellent and the acting is phenomenal. My only issue is I have trouble figuring out where this show is going to go over the course of a year.
Chuck - I like any show were a nerd is a hero with a really hot chick as a side kick. Of course, the premise is completely ridiculous.
Dexter - Good God this show is good. Sue already wrote a blog about this, but I have to agree that it is my single favorite show on TV right now.
The Big Bang Theory - This one is my guilty pleasure of the season so far. It's all streotypes of nerds, but its really FUNNY sterotypes of nerds:)
Sue and I were watching a segment on the The Daily Show the other day where they were making fun of all the news networks for asking the question, "Is America ready for a woman president?"
Huh?
Sometime I swear English is a second language to me. I don't even understand what this question is asking. Ready? Ready for what? What exactly do we have to prepare for? I'm a little angry that we even ask stupid questions like this anymore.
Its like asking if we are mentally capable of considering the possibility of a human without a penis giving State of the Union addresses. I mean, I know TV executives as a rule have a low opinion of the IQ of the average TV watcher (they're not the only ones), but still!
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