Back in the Groove

I've been an unstoppable programming machine the last two days, even ignoring the fact that I accidentally deleted a day's worth of work yesterday. By the way, when you are getting rid of a folder of older code that you no longer need, be sure you have the older folder selected before you do a delete. Or, at least make sure you have not disabled the recycle bin. Or even, and I know this one is just plain crazy, read what the delete prompt actually says before you hit yes.

I came to a another realization yesterday. I mentioned eariler this week that I don't seem to be able to concentrate for long periods at all lately. But after the last few days I realize my problem is not that I have not been able to focus. The problem was I just didn't have enough to do. I need 8 hours of actual work to do or I tend to wander around the interweb a lot. These last two days I have been working 12 hours a day because...wait for it...yes...I'm SO close...DON'T STOP WITH YOUR SEXY ELLIPSES...YES....I had work to do!

And not that crappy, "write a spec for this product work, e-mail it to everyone, and get sign-off from all the major parties" bull shit work. Actual down to the bare metal, "I don't need no stinking OS to help me link functions, I LoadLibrary and GetProcAddress biatch" coding! Fuck ya. Bring that shit on!

God I'm a nerd. Self-love rambling like this raise the interesting question of how the hell did I ever get an actual woman to stay around me long enough to realize how awesome I am in bed? Or even let me hang out at second base long enough to let me figure out how to be good in bed in the first place? It is a mystry for the ages...

Some good videos to get a smile after you accidently delete all the code you wrote this week.

News from Iraq

Blond Returning To Work

A Man's Favorite Tool

Real life Simpsons

Blog topics are, like, HARD and stuff...

I just cannot seem to get together enough thought and time to create blogs lately. Come to think of it, I don't seem to be able to concentrate for long periods at all lately. Today was the first day in a while where I turned off my computer at the end of the day and thought, "I fucking showed that code who is boss today!" And of course I then worked 12 hours just to make up for some of my slower days.

I think it's my sleep. Or more correctly my lack there of. With Sue working nights, I'm like a cranky 3-year old that has been up way past bed time. I know that I'm tired. I know I should go to bed. But I stay up andwander around the internet or late night TV. Just because sleep seems like time when I'm doing things less fun than I could be doing otherwise. That debatable by the way. Have you seen the shit that on TV at one in the morning? Although I am thinking of getting a muscle shocker of some kind. I can't decide if I want to shock my abs, ass, or just strap it right to my forehead.

I am crabby and unable to concentrate at all right now. Did any of this make sense? Who knows. Might as well ask me to calc the first hundred digits of pi and eat a pie at the same time. Just not possible:)

Anyone have a topic they would like me to ramble on about? I have a lot of time on my hands all alone. And I'm not the WoW junkie I once was, so that can't cover it all. I don't care what. Personal, political, philosophy, mocking, news, whatever. I'm in. I'll commit. I'm a comment slut. Wait, where did that last one come from?

Weird Al is Back

Weird Al is Back and as good as ever.

White and Nerdy

Work Place Chatter Can Be fun

From YouTube - Small Talk

I can't decide if this is safe for work or not. On the one hand, nothing sexual actually occurs and no clothes are removed at any time. On the other hand, I could imagine some weird stares if someone walked in while you were watching it... Your call.

Home Alone

Sue's at work right now.



I'm bored.



Really bored.



But not tired.



Damn it, this sucks.



Entertain me computer!



Bah...

How Not To Be Seen

How Not To Be Seen - Halo Style...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LJKJjJbHxvY

San Diego

I was in San Diego this week for work, and I have to tell you that I am sorely tempted to pack all my stuff up and migrate to this city. Nice does not begin to describe this place. The weather has lived up the reputation while I have been here; ever day is sunny and 80. The bay is beautiful. We were staying in the valley, which is an interesting blend of beautiful scenery and fantastic, tasteful looking housing (even when you only get to view it from a car driving through it). Last night I had probably the best prime rib and best merlot I have ever had in my life in a restaurant directly on the bay. Did I mention I get paid to do this? :)

Way of the Master

Kirk Cameron...what the heck are you thinking?

http://www.wayofthemaster.com/

Listening to these two prattle on really makes me wonder how the human race even survived this long. Each of the three videos annoy me in different ways (at least the first few minutes anyways. I couldn't make it all the way through any of them):

1) Ah, the classic neo-conservative fear tactic: "You and all your family members, friends, and coworkers are all going to burn in hell unless you do what we say is the ONE TRUE FAITH!"

2) Summary: "Hi, I'm Kirk Cameron. I'm an actor with no background in science, but I can claim with 100% certainity why intellegent design is right and evolution is completely wrong." Just STFU and get back to doing what you do best: sappy, over the top sitcoms.

3)I think this one may in fact be the worst of them all. Summary: "Logic and reason prevent you from believing. If you are using them in your life, then you are clearly living in sin and you are going to die". I don't think I even need a punch line for this one, do I?

I have no problem with faith. Really, I don't. I think its greater that you can look at something and see something higher. That part I'm fine with. Its this whole "My god is the right one and everyone else is going to Hell if they don't follow the exact rules my God laid out. Your life would be just perfect if only you see that" bull that I immediately rejcet.

Sigh...Where's that bottle of 151 again?? I need to get intoxicated to get the taste of this out of my mouth.

Code Monkey Song

Good way to start your Monday morning (SFW):

http://www.jonathancoulton.com/lyrics/code-monkey

Goodbye...

Today in the news there was a very sad story, Steve Irwin, the Croc Hunter, was killed. At least he died doing what he loved, doing animal conservationism. I was a big fan of the Croc hunter as many people know. I wanted to go to Australia to his zoo! I know that many people made fun of him over the past years ecspecially because he wasn't afraid to show his children animals close up but screw them. He was a cool guy and he would be an awesome dad. I will miss his fun shows on crocs and other animals...

CNN, I hate you

What is our world coming to when this drivel is listed as one of the top stories on the front page of CNN?

Jessica Simpson's voice cracks during 'Today' act

Holy crap I don't care. I DON'T CARE! YOU HEAR ME BOOBS IN CHARGE OF CNN NEWS?!?! YOU HAVE OFFENDED ME WITH THIS USELESS DRIVEL FOR THE LAST TIME! I SMITE YOU! I SMITE YOU ALL!

Your Personal Slogan

A good old friend of mine from high school sent me the link below via myspace (funny how I just whined about how much myspace sucks Wednesday and here I am getting blog inspiration from it. Such is the way this crazy life works).

The Advertising Slogan Generator

Enter your first name in the box on this page and hit submit. Mine came out as:

"It Needn't Be Hell With Eric."

hmmm... Not sure I feel about that one. Not sure if it implies that "Eric" can make it better or if some other product can make being with "Eric" less like being in Hell:)

MySpace == Ugly

I've been lazy writing posts lately. No, its true. Don't try to deny it. What about that post from yesterday you say? A prime example of my laziness. I wrote that almost 4 months ago and was too lazy to finish editing it until about 2 weeks ago. Then I was just too chicken to post it for a while there.

I know all you readers (all 4 of you) depend on me for funny commentary on the news and I know I've let you down. I'll try to do better. Really!

Ok, so here is another thought I know I have shared with a few of you but I thought I would expound in blog form:

How the fuck did a site as ugly as myspace.com become the end-all/be-all of social networking sites? Seriously! Most of these sites look like a 12 year old put them togeth... Look, that's not the point. The point is that they are ugly. And I swear the interface of myspace was deliberately designed to create these ugly web pages. Lets start with the fact that in order to change your page layout, you place the CSS/HTML to modify your page in one of your "interests" field. No templates to choose from. No special field to accept your page altering HTML. Just a note that reads, "put it anywhere. Its not like we care if your page looks like a team of retarded badgers got together and tried to imagine what color combinations would cause your eyes to actually explode out of your head while simultaneously trying to see how many videos of guys getting hit in the nuts one IE window can display at the same time. Just keep getting the girls to post a steady stream of soft-porn images of themselves and the guys to make comments that assure everyone that they will never get laid and we have a gold mine." (example 1, example 2....you get the idea.)

I have a myspace page. Its solely so people I have not talked to in ten years can send me a message saying we should get together. Which I will probably ignore due to either disliking the person to begin with or because I forget about it for a month or so and now it's too awkward to call.

Perhaps this is just another sign that I am getting old. Bah. I SAY BAH! And turn down that crap you call music! Darn kids...

Another Brain Dump

WARNING: This post is the cynic in me talking more than anything. It’s probably going to piss you off by the time you get to the end. Please take a few seconds and breathe before you write a comment.

So I was reading this article by some pompous software engineer about how the mythical programming man-month is a complete joke (he's right FYI), when I came across his claim that the statement "All men are created equal" in the Declaration of Independence was derived from an older proverb: "All men are created equal but by practice grow apart"

I never knew this. And the fact that I didn’t leads me to a completely new rambling:

I’m torn between liberal and conservative in a lot of ways. On the one hand, I’m a big social liberal. Gun control (to a point), abortion (to a point), environmental protections, free speech, gay rights – I’m for them all. But…

Sometimes I think that some of the other liberal ideals are driving us towards are society of completely brain dead drones. Schools are a good example of what I'm talking about: We try so hard to make sure no one feels “dumb” or “slower” than the other students. We don’t reward personal accomplishment; we hide it in the name of keeping everything “fair”. We tell everyone they’re “special” without having to do anything.

Some people have to try harder to accomplish the same thing. So? Why is that such a horrible secret that we now hide it our children?

More than anything else, the conservative idea that we need to take personal responsibility for our actions rings true with me. I think that is a large part the problems our society faces these days stem from the fact that no one takes any responsibly for the things they do. It’s always "someone else’s fault". We are all a victim of something (parents, society, the government, whatever). You know what I mean:

“I'm an alcoholic because my father was an alcoholic”
“I abuse my children because I was abused as a child”

Bull shit. You do those things because you choose to do those things. Take the first one: Don’t give me this shit that you're an alcoholic because your father was an alcoholic. You drink because you want to drink. Ever time I hear someone say that alcoholism is a disease I want to whack them upside the head with a beer bottle. To me, alcoholism is when you (key word here) make the choice every day to drink instead of making the more difficult choice of dealing with whatever problem you are drowning with alcohol. That’s the problem with this idea that you are not at fault. You suddenly feel no guilt for taking the easy choice and continuing your poor habit.

And yes, I see some of my habits as this same choice. I don't deny it, but I don't blame anyone else either. I know my bad habits are my own. And I'm ok with that.

Pics from the reunion

If you went to high school with me and want to see what some of those folks look like ten years later (or you didn't and just want to see what sorts of people I went to high school with and a few pictures showing what a sexy bitch I am in black pants and a nice shirt), Angie has some pictures from the reunion up on her myspace page.

Reunion..Ah sweet Reunion...

Sue and I attended my ten year high school reunion on Saturday. Lots of interesting emotions ran through my head even before we arrived: fear, self-loathing, nervous dancing, anticipation, joy. Sue can attest to the fact that I was so nervous that morning that I was feeling nauseous.

Anyways, the reunion turned out to be really great. There was about an hour in the beginning where Sue and I were sort of by ourselves; not really mingling nor being mingled with. Part of the problem was that the folks who showed up were heavily skewed to the popular crowd; Not exactly my posse in high school. Luckily, our organizer had the brilliant idea that each meal should include two free drink tickets. Once I had a few in me, I was more than capable of mingling, dancing, and joking with people I had not seen in ten years! Special thanks to Chris & Jenny for offering up their tickets. I’m so much more laid back with 6 Jack & Cokes in me as opposed to a mere 3:)

Name tags are definitely a must at an event like this, although I was really surprised how many names I could pull out of the air even ten years later. One of the amusing jokes we had all night related to the fact that, in addition to placing each alumni’s high school picture on their name badge, our organizer decided to place the alumni‘s picture on their guests name badge as well. This of course led to the rather amusing thought that if you see a guest by themselves, you could never be sure if they were really a guest or if that alumni just had a LOT of surgery and a first name change (not that we would judge or anything…)

I have a bunch more comments about this, but for now I think I should get back to work. More to come tomorrow!

Liquids on a plane? No way

Here's a couple of really interesting links of folks who basically say that what those crazy brits were up to would have almost never brought down a plane. I keep telling everyone I meet about them, so I thought it only fair that I should let others read them:) All of these links are safe for work.

http://www.interesting-people.org/archives/interesting-people/200608/msg00087.html

http://www.boingboing.net/2006/08/14/tatp_about_that_pyro.html

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2006/08/17/flying_toilet_terror_labs/

Given the number of ex-chemical engineers and bio majors that read this blog, I'm really curious what you guys think of these articles.

New Car Part II

We had our new car decaled today and it looks even hotter! Take a looky! We named her Sally and we are both in love....

New Car

We finally traded in the Jeep and gots us a 2007 Mustang GT!! Mmm Mustang!! It is hot! I am so excited and I must say that I have the best husband in the world for buying it for me. It is a delayed birthday/congrats on the new job/thanks for putting up with Alabama gift. V8 engine...mmm /drool. We ordered a black stripe which will be added later. We had to wait for the stripe to come in. It purrs like a kitten. It makes me hot just thinking about it ;)

Two fun links for Friday

Both are Safe For Work.

MacGyver is a terrorist

Humps!

It is good to work again..

So, I have been at my new nursing job for about a month now. The first week was all just the hospital orientation for all nurses. After that I actually got to go to the unit and work with another nurse for unit orientation where I actually got to take care of patients! For those of you that do not know, I am working on the Surgical Intensive Care Unit (SICU) at U of M Hospital in Ann Arbor. U of M hospital is one of the best hospitals in the nation and is currently number 12 overall and is in the top 25 in the various specialties in US News and World Reports best hospitals issue, so I have quite the ego now because of the prestige that comes with this institution. Our unit specializes in transplants and extracorporeal membrane oxygenation (ECMO) which is something that acts as an outside lung to oxygenate the blood for people with failed hearts and lungs. It can be used while waiting for a new organ or just to give the organs a rest. The MD that used to be the director of our unit and just retired, Dr. Bob Bartlett, invented ecmo. That is pretty cool. Additionally, the EKG was invetnted at U of M hospital so there is a lot of history of medical excellence here! ECMO is a specialized nursing thing that you have to work up too like continuos dialysis (CRRT) which are two things I plan on working up to.

The one thing that I have to get used to is all of the med students, there are a lot of them and they are mostly cute men. I get shy around cute men so I have to work on that. I also had to join a nursing union for the state ($589 a year) which I was handed a 2 inch thick rule book for. Eric and I also cannot have babies for at least 2 years if I want to get paid maternity leave and I want to keep my job. I could in 1 year with the federal law that lets you keep your job for children for a small amount of time and I would still get benefits paid. You would think that a hospital would understand maternity and that they would not call it short term disability! Oh well, that sounds good to me. We can save all of the money I am making now and go on a few more trips before babies come.

I also have to get used to seeing all of the dark blue with the big yellow M's on them. I went to Michigan State University, so it is weird to see our rival colors everywhere. I bought an MSU scrub top, MSU pens and I have an MSU license plate :) This new job has made me realize how childish college rivalries are, ecspecially when some person is a die hard fan and they never went to the school. I don't get why people get so crazy and freaky when the two schools play sports. Here we live in a state with two great universities and we should be rooting for both and their strengths. Fuck sports! Football never saved a persons life or invented a great new cancer drug, which both schools have done with the research they have done. I am officially a fan of both schools and I plan on buying some U of M tops to wear to work and I will wear them proudly;) (Thus concludes my rant...)

Last Friday I had my first almost code. In basic CPR and in nursing you are always taught to remember your abc's, meaning airway, breating and cardio. These go in the order of importance. You need an airway in order to breath and if you do not have breathing, no sense in helping the heart if the blood is not being oxygenated. Anyways, my preceptor and I had a patient with a very delicate airway and was on a ventilator. Let's just say that the airway was lost because her trachea collapsed so I saw her oxygenation numbers dropping and they finally had to slice open her neck and give her a tracheostomy. They started it there at the bedside to get her air and then we had to rush her to the Operating Room. It was very exciting and my adrenaline was pumping. I was new so I just ran for things the docs needed. It all worked out in the end though and she made it through. I love the ICU!!

Run like...er...something fast!

I bought Sue a treadmill for her birthday, which I have been using to run 2 miles everyday. Today was the first day I notice that my stomach is just a smidgen tighter. Sweetness! And that’s not the only dividend: Let’s just say that Sue noticed a difference in my stamina;)

My eventual goal is to get back to being able to run a mile in under 8 minutes like I could in high school. I’m at roughly ten minutes right now, so still a ways off. Previous runners, any ideas on how I should be structuring these runs? Currently I pretty much just run at the same comfortable speed until my sides are burning, then I walk until it stops. Repeat until I get to two miles. I have to imagine there is a better system out there.

Little piece of advice for the male readers: Do NOT buy your woman a treadmill (or any piece of exercise equipment for that matter) unless she specifically asks for it. Sue came in the door on her birthday from work, saw the treadmill, and decided to screw with me by blurting out, "What are you saying? You think I'm FAT?!?!?!". I'm sure she wishes she had a picture of that deer in headlights moment:) Lucky for me she then immediately laughed and reminded me that she had been asking for one for months. Otherwise it is entirely possible I would still be standing there with my brain stuck in neutral trying to think of anything to say :)

More party pics

I forgot I had not posted these pics before.

Update: Added 6 more pictures from another roll of film.

Random Stuff

Random little stuff:

1) I just finished Steven D. Levitt's and Stephen J. Dubner's Freakonomics, which is a really fascinating book about using economic theory to tease out all sorts of interesting facts about the world around us. If you get a chance, I would highly recommend it.

2) Man, I just love the news coverage of Mel Gibson. The guy tells a cop, "F---ing Jews. The Jews are responsible for all the wars in the world." Then the next day in a statement he says, "There is no excuse, nor should there be any tolerance, for anyone who thinks or expresses any kind of anti-Semitic remark." Great! So if I decide to refer to you as a prick and think you are an evil, evil man, it'll be ok with you? Thanks!

And then having the balls to say "'I am not an anti-Semite". Really? Cause I am almost certain that the definition of anti-semite is when you say things like, "F---ing Jews". What an Ass hole.

Funny Balloon Hats For The Win!

So, this is a funny picture and a fun story (no surprise, but alcohol was involved)

Sue and I were bored last Saturday night (after seeing Wicked, the cool musical in NYC that afternoon), so we decided to go to our Gym's member appreciation party to sate our love of free food. The theme was Mardi Gras and it was supposed to be at the outdoor pool, but somehow it ended up being in their basketball court (way too prom-like depressing, if you ask me). We get there and are pleased to find open bar for beer and wine, but mostly depressing older people packed in to the space. The DJ is predictably lame, so we decide to slam one or two, get some dinner and get out of there. Semi-cool is the person on stilts with long pants who is making balloon hats and animals for the adults (no kids allowed at party). After her second glass of wine, Sue suggests we get some hats before leaving. I'm a bit buzzed too, so I agree and ask the balloon lady to make me "anything w/ horns, viking, devil, bull, I don't care." (wanted to say, "I'm horny tonight," but didn't want to make the hired entertainer uncomfortable). She gives me a contemptuous look, but goes ahead w/ her version of a viking hat (below). Sue asks for whatever she wants to make and gets a cool twisty snork (remember the snorks!?) thing.
We proceed to get many compliments from party goers on our hats, even though I keep hitting ppl cause my damn horns stick straight out to the side (Sidenote: 10 min later the DJ plays the lame electric slide, but the highlight was seeing the chick in stilts doing it too!)

We ditch the party and decide to go to blockbuster and have "Hot chicks kick ass movie night" renting Aeon Flux (a'ight) and Ultraviolet (bit lame), but wear the hats inside the store. Made the clerk laugh and that was worth it enough for me.

In life, you have to make your own fun (but not your own balloon hats)

ps - as an added bonus, feel free to make this a "caption this picture contest" =)

pps - note the chic plastic stars sue stuck on her temples she got from the party

More stupid spam

I received the following spam email today. It was amusing enough that I felt the need to share:

One of our agents has been trying to contact you regarding your home.We have some awesome news. Although it has taken some time, our agent havefound 0 companys that are able to r e f i n a n c e for you.

Well, that's sort of depressing. I was all excited and ready to refinance. No really! Its all I think about! And then you go out of your way to tell me that you found zero agents. That's just mean. How do you live with yourself? Couldn't you have just ignored me? Or just offered me some low cost drugs and girls getting raped by some sort of barnyard animal? You know, to sort of ease the blow? Now I will have to live vicariously through all my other friends refiancing while I just sit here and cry over this email:(

Screw you spam emails!

DRUNK POST! W00T!

Good lord I am drunk. I'm in bed at the hotel watching something on some channel that is really funny. I really wish I knew what channel I was watching and what time it is. The show is about the fact that chicks do not like being called a cunt. And in a way that is completely beyond me, they are making it really funny:)

I'M DRUNK!

They just said what channel I am on: HBO. And the show is Lucky Louie. Just so everyone knows, that show is hilarious!

Drinking with the boss is awesome. Gambling with the boss, not so much. I lost a bunch at some Indian casino here in Wausau.

I'm too drunk to write a good rambling blog.

JACK DANIELS! GOOD!

Fox news is depressing. Time to change the channel back to something fun.

Nothing on worth watching. I give up. Time to give up and go to sleep. Sorry for the lack of any point.

40% of you will never get this

Apparently my egotistical rantings about how you either are great at software programming or not was not just my ego talking. According to this PHD paper, a group of researchers have come up with pretty simple test that can weed out the (and I swear their PHD paper actually includes this line), "programming sheep from non-programming goats."

Basically, they decided that there are three models that people need to be able to conceptualize:

• assignment and sequence
• recursion / iteration
• concurrency

They claim that even good programmers have great difficultly getting a good model of concurrency (which I will attest is one of the most difficult concepts to wrap your head around in CS). But they also claim that simply testing students for a mental model of assignment and sequence before they ever see a single programming book is an excellent predictor of CS aptitude. For example, this is the very first question on their test:

Read the following statements and tick the box next to the correct answer.

int a = 10;
int b = 20;
a = b;

The new values of a and b are:

[ ] a = 20 b = 0
[ ] a = 20 b = 20
[ ] a = 0 b = 10
[ ] a = 10 b = 10
[ ] a = 30 b = 20
[ ] a = 30 b = 0
[ ] a = 10 b = 30
[ ] a = 0 b = 30
[ ] a = 10 b = 20
[ ] a = 20 b = 10

As someone who does this for a living, I have trouble believing anyone could get this wrong (the correct answer is (2) by the way). Yet when these UK researchers ran their students through a set of questions like this, fully 39% would fail the test. 39%! And weirdly the things you would expect to affect this, like overall intelligence, GPA, or access to computers has absolutely no effect on this number! Its almost like the good programmers are different not because we are smarter, but because we have a natural ability at creating consistent models of machine logic. Moreover, this number appeared to the researchers to be very difficult to move. Even after 3 weeks of tutoring, "there is very little movement from consistent to inconsistent". That is, either you have a consistent model of assignment, or it is very likely you will never have one!

Ok, all well and good so far. But it begs several questions

1. If this really is a great predictor, would it be ethical to require it from freshmen CS?
2. What if the school decided that this test would be their entrance criteria for beginning CS classes?
3. Would your answer change if I pointed out that the test was not 100% accurate (It's more like 80%)?
4. Given this information, is it fair that most engineering schools now require at least one programming class on all students? If we know that at least 30% of students are not wired to understand this stuff, is it fair to make Mechanical Engineers learn Java?

It Really Works!

Sue and I hate cleaning. We hate it with a passion. So anything that can help us reduce the number of times we have to clean anything in the house is just plain awesome in our book. Enter our newest bathroom contraption:

http://www.automaticshowercleaner.com/home.asp

I was wholly convinced this thing was going to be completely worthless, but Sue's intuition told us to give it a try (or it may have been the large amout of lime buildup in our shower that she had just cleaned). I figured if it meant we only had to clean the shower half as often, it would be worth it.

Well, it has been almost 3 weeks so far, and let me tell you that this thing is worth it! Since we started using it, I have not seen a single water mark or lime deposit anywhere in our shower. Ah sweet technology! How did we ever live without this?

Better Mac Ads

Mac Ad Spoofs

Safe for work as long as you have some headphone:)


I know that lately all my blog is good for is links to other people being funny. However, I am once again jet setting to some fabulous destination for work next week (Wisconsin!). So rest assured that I will make some sort of wildly personal, angry, and bitter post next week based on the Wheel of Rambling (tm) while in nothing but my boxers from a hotel room in the midwest at 3:00 in the morning (just like every other trip!).

Another Hilarious Link

The Microsoft Interview

Photoshop Fun

When nerds, photoshop, and movie posters come together:

Computers in Movies

First Party Pictures

Paul and Sue Pics!

Pictures from the party start at the seventh picture in the series.

Cell Phone prevents late-night "I never should have left you you stupid B$%$" drunken calls

ABC News: New Cell Can Tell If You're Drunk

I love this additional feature that the engineers thought to add:

The LP4100 also allows users to set up the phone so on certain nights and after a certain time they do not call certain people in their phone book. Think ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend.

If you have a blood alcohol level over .08, the phone will not let you dial that person. So it not only promotes sobriety, but chastity - and probably your dignity, as well.

Sadly, I have to say that I have never made a drunk call to an ex-girlfriend. But I have said some amazingly stupid things around people when I drunk. So I think what this phone needs is a way to prevent from talking to certain people AT ALL after a certain time and alcohol level.

I'm thinking something like a Tazer system! Something that could give me a large enough shock so that I am knocked unconsciouss (or at least left as a smoldering pile of club wear on the floor for a few minutes). And remember that it has to be able to cut through the fog of drunkenness: we are talking about a pretty good zap here if we are basing it on how invincible I usually feel when I am drunk. You would probably need something like those portable defibulators. Now I'm thinking! It could shock you unconscious, and then revive you when the person had left the immediate vicinity. It's the perfect plan with no side effects! Now all I need is investors and a way to work the words "Web 2.0" in somehow and I will have a gold mine!

House is Offically Warm

Our house warming party was a huge success if I do say so myself. Drinking, food, beer, shots, and more karaoke than you can shake a whole Japanese auto company at! Oh, and we also established beyond a reasonable doubt that I am the greatest Apples to Apples player alive. Pictures will be coming soon (just as soon as everyone sends them to me or ours are processed by snapfish.com; whichever comes first).

A few people missed our party for reasons as yet unknown. Know that you are on THE LIST now! And also know that THE LIST is not easily appeased.

I also received my official invite to my 10 year high school reunion today. Sue asked if I was sure I wanted to go. HELLZ YES I’m going. Time to get a new suit and get rid of some of these feelings of uncoolness I have been carrying around since the day I left high school. Well adjusted living, here I come!

6 days and counting

My excitement for this weekend's big house warming party is growing by the hour. Drinking, a bon-fire, high-school and college friends together as one, AND I don't have to drive anywhere afterwards? Fantastic!

Speaking of drinking, the Miss and I want some feedback on the sorts of drinks we should have. We already have a bunch of alchohol on hand: wine, rum, vodka, Irish Cream Liqueur, and Jack Daniels. I'm going to insist on some Red Bull and Jagermeister to round out the selecction of course, but other drinks do people like? Beer is the most glaring omission at the moment, but it goes bad so fast and I drink so little that we probably won't have much on hand. Besides, no two people on earth can agree on beer anyways (beer is like pizza toppings that way).

Post your favorite drinks in the comments and rest assured we will have the ability to make it:)

Employed again

Hello all, just wanted to let you all know that I have a job again! I took a job at the University of Michigan Medical Center in the Surgical Intensive Care Unit. I am very excited! The unit specializes in transplants and another procedure that not many hospitals do. I will be getting great training and will be learning a lot of new stuff! I start July 10 so I still have some time to chill and party a little. Unfortunately I have to work the night shift but I think that it won't be too bad just 3 nights a week. I plan on buying Michigan State University scrubs to wear at some point...

Ramblings of Eric: Part 5

So it's not late at night and I haven't had the nearly illegal amount of caffeine that usually precipitates one of these, but I'm still going to pour some ramblings out of my head.
If you are wondering why this is rambling 5 even though I have previously published a part 6 and 7 its because I started writing this last year but never got around to publishing it. Ah well. For the record, I have to call them all ramblings because I read a couple of really good writers on the web and I do not pretend to have their sort of talent, voice, or ability to string together coherent sentences.

So anyways, today I want to ramble about my love of "Angry White Music" (copyright © 1998, All rights reserved in Guam). Examples are things like Tool, NIN, A Perfect Circle, Crossfade, Our Lady Peace, Nirvana, Linkin Park, etc. I was thinking this over today and I came up with a few reasons why I like this sort of music.

On a primitive level, it speaks to that part of my base nature that wants to get out of my car when someone cuts me off and beat the living shit out of them, leave them as a bloody pulp on the side of the road while I drag his woman back to my cave car for a rough quickie. Watch High Fidelity sometime; the scene where Ian comes in to talk to Rob to convince him to stop stalking him is what I am talking about.

Or sometimes it is that feeling that creeps over me every time I’m in an airport like I am right now as I write this: no matter how many people you squeeze in next to me, I’m still very, very alone in this world (only when I am traveling without Sue of course). Or maybe just that depressing feeling that like almost everyone on the planet I have accomplished nothing in my life that anyone will want to record in a history book.

Then there’s the emotion. I know its cliché, but music is supposed to talk to you. You know: that gut feeling you get when you connect to the feelings of the writer. I like all sorts of music, but the stuff I can really get into is something that I can scream at the top of my lungs while telling the world to F%^K OFF!

There is a tiny part of the back of mind laughing as I write this. It’s telling me, “HA! Look at yourself Eric. You know ‘the man’ everyone is always talking about? Check yourself! You’re it” (My brain sometimes speaks in 90’s hip hop slang. Don’t ask me to explain why). And me is of course right. What reasons do I have for being angry at the world?

Not much I would say at first glance. Yea, I had shitty high school experience. Who didn’t? Mine was probably worse than almost any of the people who read this blog (think early in a Revenge of the Nerds movie). I dated an emotionally crippled insane loony in high school. I still dream about people I have not seen in 6-10 years more than anyone else; a clear sign I have issues. College was better, but I still hold a lot of anger toward my high school peers. Fucking dicks.

So yea, I’m angry inside. I’m angry at all the people would had it a lot easier than me. I’m angry at the society that makes people who are smart social outcasts. FUCK THEM! FUCK THEM ALL! FUCK YOU IF YOU WERE ONE OF THEM! FUCK THE SYSTEM! FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!

Ah, I feel better now.

Take my foreskin, please

CNN: Parents take circumcision fight to court

My god. There are so many things wrong with this story that I HAD to blog it.

* First off, this kid is eight now. It's a little late to be deciding this, isn't it?

* "The child's mother wants him circumcised to prevent recurring, painful inflammation she says he's experienced during the past year."

I had to hold my genitals in sympathy after reading that sentence. Sorry, but I have to go with the mother on this one: If there are ANY actions a person can take to prevent painful inflammation of any penises, by God we should be doing them!

* "David Llewellyn, an Atlanta attorney who specializes in circumcision cases,..."

Man, how would you like to go through life being known as the, "attorney who specializes in circumcision cases"? That's got to make the family proud...

* "Roger Saquet, director of the Non-Circumcision Information Center in Belmont..."

Speaking of weird jobs, how would you like to be the director of that center? Who the fuck would start a center like that in the first place? I would pay good money to get a hold of one of his business cards. I would frame it in my office and look at anytime I was thinking that I don't get enough respect for my job. One look at that card and I would feel so much better:)

IKEA, me likey...

So the big news in SE Michigan last week was the grand opening of the first IKEA store in Michigan. Eric and I wanted to go but waited until yesterday hoping that the traffic and crowds would be lighter since it is a 45 min drive to Canton. We were wrong. Their was a lot of people in that place and it is huge! There was a lot of imput and a lot to look at. I loved it! Our main goal was to find Eric a new desk and chair for work and we had great success. We also got a new comforter and several little home things we needed. I held back and could have spent a lot more money there. IKEA is my new favorite store. Move over Target, since the lamp I just bought from you was defective in the very last step I am very pissed that I have to take it back! That is my little rant... The only thing is that you have to assemble everything from IKEA but the directions are easy to follow and the parts are high quality. I was very pleased with my IKEA experience. You gotta love those swiss, they have a lot of great ideas.

MISSING: One Friend

Missing: one friend named Kelly U. We seem to have lost all contact information for this friend through a series of moves. If found, please call our cell phone and let us know how to get in contact with you.

Description:

• Female
• Tall
• Blond
• U of M graduate
• Can drink both of us under the table with one kidney tied behind her back.
• Answers to "five in a bed" on occasion.
• Answers all important questions with "maybe" ;)

The Internet is for (blank)...

Here is a link to a funny music video using World of Warcraft characters debating the *true* function of the Internet (NOT SAFE FOR WORK)

Njoy!

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=7997646050642417046&q=warcraft

Dave Matthews still rules!

Now that we have a cable modem again in our home we can blog and email more.

Eric and I went to see Dave Matthews Band Tuesday night at the DTE energy music theatre, formerly Pine Knob, and it rocked! They sound better than ever and they played a lot of older songs that I love! It ruled. We were front row, left side so I had a great view of Dave. He is so dreamy and I just love his voice!! Here is the set list from the show:

Satellite
JTR
Pig
Where Are You Going
Hunger For The Great Light
Everyday
Bartender
Grey Street
Grace Is Gone
Kill The King [Live Debut]
Raven
Tripping Billies
The Idea Of You [New Song]
Crash Louisiana Bayou

Encore: Sister (Dave solo song)
Dreaming Tree
Ants Marching

Grey street, and Raven are two of my all time faves as well as Ants Marching and Satellite of course! I am not the person to ask because I love all of the songs! It was also awesome that they played 2 brand new songs! Kick ass!

Won't SOMEONE think of the children

MSNBC: Bush urges federal marriage amendment

So good old George bush today urged the congress to pass an amendment to the constitution of the United States explicitly defining marriage as between a man and woman. Never mind that marriage has been and still remains an institution defined by the states. Never mind that the federal government has zero responsibility when it comes to defining marriage. Never mind that a federal court will never see a case asking it to define marriage. Never mind that Hell would have to freeze over and the entire eastern and western seaboards would have to float off into the ocean before there could even be hope that something like this could get 2/3rds of the Senate to vote for it. Never mind any of that. That's not my beef with this.

My beef is that the Republicans are too chicken shit to say why they really want to ban gay marriage. If they would come out and just say, "I don't want gay marriage to be approved because I believe it would validate the lifestyle choice they are making that I don't agree with", I could at least understand their position. I wouldn't agree with it, but at least I could understand their position.

But every time I hear one of them say it is to, "protect the institution of marriage" or that, "changing the definition of marriage would undermine the family structure", I throw up just a little bit in my mouth. Come on. Can someone explain to me how allowing gay people to get married is going to reduce or increase the divorce rate of hetrosexual couple in this country? How about children born out of wedlock? Infidelity? Anyone? You in the back; is your hand up? Oh, that's just a large hat:) Sorry about that.

Why does the fact that two people of the same sex want to bind their lives together in any way effect whether you, the straight couple, do the same? Or in a married persons case, continue to do the same? Am I just missing something there?

Painting Sucks

Painting a room with 20 foot high ceilings sucks my nuts. That is all.

Homeless no more!

Eric and I are officially owners of a new home and are not homeless anymore! Of course we do not have our stuff yet so the house will be empty until the truck with all of our worldly possesions arrives Monday or Tuesday. We are still at Eric's parents house for now. As soon as we move in we will have a house warming party.

Back in Michigan

Well, Eric and I had a good journey back to Michigan! While leaving Alabama we did see a bunch of cows grazing by an exit sign off of I-65 and we just thought, this is so Alabama. :) We will miss everyone in Alabama that we got to know. Y'all are great! Thanks so much to Dana and Scott for hosting our going away party and thanks to everyone that came, we had a great time! We love and will miss your game nights Dana!

This weekend we are just chilling out after last week and the stress of packing. It is very scary watching all of your worldly possesions drive off in a truck, but the packing went well. Our first house closing was successful and went very smoothly. The other scary thing was having all of the money in check form in your car. You just hope that you do not crash and lose it. Luckily we thought ahead of time and put our checks and other important documents into our fire safe in the car just to be safe. Once we close on the new house on Wed. we will send everyone our new address and phone numbers once we get one. Talk to y'all later (sorry, force of habit).

Darkness for a while

As most of you know, we are currently packing up everything we own into small boxes and getting ready to move out of Huntsville and back to Michigan. If you were wondering why our blog has been so quiet for the last week or so, this is the reason.

Moving on your own sucks. Its expensive (think $7000+ from here to Michigan) and hugely time consuming. Its both amazing and depressing when you see just how much crap you have shoved into the various drawers, cabinets, and other nooks and cranies around the house. Or when you remember that you own a garage and have to pack everything in there too. And then there's that shed in the backyard with the rakes and shovels and various implements of destruction. Fun? Oh I think not.

We are having our cable, internet, and phones all disconnected today, so don't expect any additional witty blog posts or comments for a few days:)

SEE YOU ALL ON THE OTHER SIDE!

Ramblings of Eric: Part Something

I've had a lot of steak and caffeine tonight, so its time for another late night crazy blog from Eric.

I'm in Wisconsin this week for training. Its boring. I won't talk about that anymore.

What I will talk about is my coworkers. They are awesome. Just take my boss for example: In addition to who knows how many pitchers of beer, yesterday I had a shot of goldschlager and a jager bomb with my boss. Let me repeat that: with my boss! How awesome is that? Let me tell you it was pretty awesome.

And not just my boss. The entire group up here was so laid back and cool to hang out with. Except for that woman who said I look like a guy from Duran Duran. I wasn't sure if I should be flattered or insulted because I have no idea what anyone in that band looks like. I'm still not sure; It depends which band member she is talking about and whether she meant Duran Duran today or 20 years ago I guess:)

I think I only marginally embarrassed myself playing darts. It would have been worse but my the co-drinking buddy was on the other team and could barely hit the board most of the time.

Ok, so on to the good ramblings about life, the universe and everything (42!). Lets spin the wheel of rambling:

Ok, looks like philosophy: Now all we need is a topic. I'm going with....um....lets see...something relevant...nothing...ok...something interesting...hmmm...nothing...ok, something at all?? Ah there it is!

Do you ever stop and think about faith? Not just faith in God. I mean, faith in everything. I really believe that China is a real place. Same for the Soviet Union, Guam, Japan, and every other country of the world that I have never seen or visited. I believe people when they tell me that the speed of light really is a constant no matter how fast the source or destination are moving, despite the fact that this is completely non-intuitive. And I accept without any proof that my cells contain a jumble of chemicals in a tightly wound string that is the same in every cell but somehow account for all the different organs in my body.

Why?

Why can I accept all of this without any evidence and yet we cannot just accept a God? I guess you might argue that the difference is that if I wanted to, I could check all of the above (ok maybe the speed of light thing would be tough, but with a plane ticket and an atomic clock I could probably convince myself). I can go to China and look around and think, "yea, this is here where they said it would be. Look at all the people! You all talk like that? Fun!". I'm sure there is no way I could check out God.

Lets think about it another way: No one over the age of 12 believes in Unicorns right? OK, lets say that I claimed that Unicorns exist. You might say something, "I've never seen one. No one I know has ever seen one. No one on the planet has ever seen one. So they don't exist". We would naturally assume that the burden of proof was on me because I am making a claim. But what about in the negative case? Say I brought up Unicorns in the first place by claiming they don't exist. Who is the burden on now? Still on the one claiming they exist? Maybe. Maybe not.

This is why I think a lot of folks (myself included) believe that Atheism is just as much a belief system as is belief in Heaven. You have to state as an axiom that God does not exist, because proving a negative is always going to be impossible ("I've looked everywhere, and I cannot find God." "Oh really, did you look everywhere at once? Did you check behind the sofa?"). Its the same with stating unicorns don't exist. They don't of course, but I'm stating that as an axiom. No proof. I can't prove it. I can't prove there really is no God. Maybe there is. Maybe the Bible is 100% accurate and all this evolution stuff is just non-sense. Maybe Joseph Smith really was a prophet. Maybe the correct answer is Mormon. Maybe, Maybe, Maybe. Who knows...

Eric and Sue's Vegas vacation

Eric and I just got back from fabulous Las Vegas! We went to celebrate our 5 year wedding anniversary, May 12th. It was a lot of fun. We arrived on Friday and we stayed at the Excalibur hotel on the strip. It is the medival castle themed hotel for those of you who have never been. It was a nice place to stay. Eric liked the $1-3 Texas holdem tables. It is in a good location and it is right next door to the NY, NY hotel, MGM, and Luxor hotels. We had the Luxor hotel just outside our window which was cool. It is neat to look out and see a giant pyramid next door! Friday night we went and had a nice dinner at Sir Gallahad's in the Excalibur, then we went to NY, NY and got really drunk and watched a great live band in a bar there called Phoenix. It was great cover band with 3 great singers. They did Nirvana, ACDC, Guns n roses, Pat Benatar, etc. A lot of older, awesome music! It was fun.

Saturday we went to a stupid time-share meeting the hotel had to get free tix to the shark reef and $75 in gambling money. After that long, waste of time, pushy mtg we went to the Shark reef at the Mandalay bay. The shark reef is a very large aquarium with sharks, jelly fish, stingray, jelly fish, etc. They had a little part where you could pet stingrays and other fish. It was very cool. After that we gambled for a while with some of our free money and did not win big :( That night we went to the the Wynn hotel to see the broadway musical Avenue Q! It was great. It is a hilarious, well written musical. It is a very raunchy puppet musical with a puppet sex scene that put "Team America" to shame. If you ever have a chance to see it do! We also walked around the strip at night to see the various attractions.

Sunday we bought a giant margarita, a yard long!! We walked the strip of Las Vegas with it! It was awesome. We hung out on the strip until we met up with our friend from MSU and his woman. We sat and drank at an irish pub in NY, NY and had a NY pretzel which really do taste like true NY pretzels. Soooo good! Then we went to Coyote Ugly. That is a fun bar to hang out it. Eric and I got really drunk and stayed until 1:30 am and then had to get up at 3:30am today to catch our plane. It sucked but we had a lot of fun!

It was a great anniversary! We love Vegas and highly recommend all going there at least once in their life. We are planning another trip it in the future so save some money bitches!

Eric and Sue's drunken blog...`

We are very drunk. MMM rum... I cannot type. I think we put about a cup of rum in that blender. Now we are just giggling and watching Pet Star.

First rule of being drunk: Do not watch Six Feet Under while drunk. It is fucking depressing! I don't need to think about life and dying and dying while alive while drunk. Stupid NATE! ASSHOLE! HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE!

NEXT!

DOGS RULE! GET A DOG! Name it Bob! Get another dog! Name it something that begins with B.

NEXT!

Sue cannot stop laughing to think up a next. I think she may pass out from laughing. QUICK! DOES ANYONE KNOW LAMAS. Thats not how you spell Lamaze you dumb ass!

NEXT!

All done.

Step 2 - The buying agent

When buying a house, each person in the transaction has an agent. The sellers agent (or listing agent as they are sometimes called) works with the sellers to encourage people to look at their house. Your agent (or buyer's agent) arranges home showing for you and walks you through the paperwork and process of buying a house.

The seller sets aside 6% of the final sale price to pay the buyer's and seller's agent (each gets 3%). That is basically not negotiable. And don't think you can save some dough by not getting a buyers agent. In that case the selling agent gets the whole 6%. So you might as well get a buyers agent to walk you through the paperwork, set up house showings, etc. And don't forget that despite the hand waving of the seller paying them, that 6% is in the loan you are taking.

Don't be afraid to be demanding of your agent. 3% of the loan you are taking is just to pay this person, so make sure they are worth it. Word of mouth is your friend when looking from an agent.

Despite what the buyer's agent will tell you about, "being on your side", that is only partially correct. Always remember that your agent only gets paid if you buy a house and that the more expensive your house, the more the agent makes. That gives them a strong incentive to try to get you to close as soon as possible and for as much as possible.

This is why you have to sometimes lie to your agent. But that's for next time.

A Hunting We Will Go...

"shhhh....be very, very quiet. We're hunting for houses. he he he he."

This is the second time I'm going through the house hunting process. Its a huge investment; probably the biggest one any of us will make in our lifetime. I thought I would give out some helpful tips/info that I have picked up along the way.

The basic process goes like this:

1) Figure out how much you can afford.
2) Find a buying agent.
3) Lie slightly to the buying agent
4) Look for a house
5) Make an offer
6) Haggle
7) Move In.

I'll cover these in a series of posts, starting with #1 today.

1) Figure out how much you want to spend on a house. This should have nothing to do with what the bank will tell you can afford. The bank's typically rule is that you can afford 28% of your gross income for housing. That may be true, but you would have to live like a hermit and never eat anything but Raman noodles:)

Come up with a number that you are comfortable with and use that. Don't forget to assume that your electric and gas are going to be more (more area to heat) and that you are going to get to experience the joy of property taxes for the first time:) Both of those add up each month.

There is also the uncomfortable question of the down payment. At a minimum, the bank wants you to put down at least 5% of the homes selling price. Anything less than that and you are into jumbo loans, where they really nail you with the interest rate. For the rates the bank actually quotes in the newspaper, they will want you to put down 20% of the asking price. Most first time home owners cannot afford that, so there are couple of options to deal with this issue.

* The classic answer is Principle Mortgage Insurance (PMI). PMI is a little extra (typically something like 0.5% interest) that you pay each month on the loan in order to insure the bank's risk that you will not default. With PMI, the bank will let you borrow more than 80% of the home's selling price (again, typically up to 95%).

PMI is like all insurance: If you never default, then you have basically given the bank a lot of money for no reason. Unlike the interest you are paying on your loan, you cannot deduct PMI from your taxes either (one of the best things about owning a home is that all interest you pay on home loans can be entered as an itemized deduction from your federal income taxes). Once you have acquired 20% equity in your home however, PMI goes away. Equity is the difference between what the home is worth and what you still owe the bank. Equity increases when the home appreciates in value and by your payments each month.

* If you cannot put down the full 20%, another option is to borrow the remainder in a second loan. Such loans are referred to as 80/X loans, where X is the percentage of the downpayment you are borrowing. For example, if you put down 5% of the selling price, you would get a 80/15 loan to cover the rest of sale price.

This second loan is typically an interest only loan, which mean you need be aware of a couple of important points: (1) your payment each month only pays the interest. It does not lower your principal. (2) It is in your best interest to pay this loan down as quickly as possible because it is typically a full percentage point higher than your home loan due to the added risk the bank is taking on. Interest loans are more expensive than PMI, but you can end up ahead because you can deduct the full value of the money you pay in interest on this loan from your reported gross income on your federal taxes. Your banking advisor should walk you through both and help you figure out which will be cheaper for you in the long run.

EE geeks rejoice

I'm not an EE geek, but I took enough robotics and computer circuit design to know that any girl wearing these would automatically be hella sexy/cool in my book:

http://www.thinkgeek.com/apparel/jewelry/8252/

New house

We've officially had our offer accepted for a new house in Michigan, so I think it is safe to tell people about it without fear that I will jinx the entire process.

Our new house will be in Hartland, Michigan just a little way off of US-23's M-59 exit. Sue and I are both really excited about it. For one thing, it has a basement! Finally somewhere to store all the shit we have!

Here are some pictures. Sorry about the grainy look: they are a scan of a scan of a cheap digital camera.

Oil is a commodity dumb ass

You know, the more I listen to Democrats or the media or Jon Sewart or whoever talk about how the president isn't doing anything about gas prices, the more I wonder if anyone in this country actual understands anything about economics.

Lets look at the Democrat's charge that Bush has been ignoring the price of gas. How exactly can President Bush change the cost of gas? Gas is commodity. It is bid on by independent agents in a market. What should Bush do? Set a cap on the price of oil? <sarcasm>Oh there's a good idea. We all saw (ok, read) how well that worked in 70's. I want to massive lines and shortages as a rule when I go to the pump. Yes, lets do that.</sarcasm>

Or how about how every article on the rising price of fuel mentions how much money the oil companies are making? Again, are we as a nation just retarded? This is basic econ 101. Oil companies extract oil from the ground for a fixed price. They then put that oil up for auction (key word here) on the global market. The person who is willing to pay the highest amount gets said oil. If my costs are fixed (more or less) and the price people are willing to pay goes up, I make more money. What part of this is difficult to understand? No one is gaming the system. There is just more demand and less supply. That makes prices rise, especially commodities like oil where reducing consummation in the short term is very difficult.

I'm not happy about the price of gas anymore than the next guy, but that is the world we live in. Don't go blaming the people who are not at fault in this.

US Foresight == zero

Adam Felber, the funny guy on NPR's Wait Wait, Don't Tell Me show, also has a hilarious blog. The one today was so clever I thought I would share it with you all.

A History of US/Iranian Relations Since 9/11

(The only one) At work today

So here I am, on a Friday, at the college counseling center for Pace University, and it's only me and one other staff member in the office out of 9 (as an aside, I move that all groups of nine be known as 'fellowships' {as an aside to my aside, technically my job title is a Postdoctoral Fellowship, which is just cool}).

I am just a bit bitter about the knowledge that from 1:30 PM to 5:00 close, I will be the *only* staff member here. Apparently I'm the only one with no life today, the downside of being not particularly religious. I volunteered by the process of everyone else took a vacation day today. Well at least I've declared it casual friday for myself and I'm in comfy jeans for the first time at this job (mmm jeans). Also, most of the students are gone, so no real work today (except for crises which always suck and the paperwork I have to do, which I also don't enjoy).

Aside from that, Happy PassEasterover, biotches! (beyotches? sp!?)

I'm heading up to Montreal tomorrow for a long weekend of youthful hijinks... more when I return.

My Mission

According to the Evil Genius Mission Statement generator, my evil mission in life is:

Mission Statement

To annihilate people who use "impact" as a verb by competing on American Idol.

What's Your Mission?

I have the best job in America

According to CNN and Salary.com, I have the best job in America:

http://money.cnn.com/magazines/moneymag/bestjobs/

From the article:

Why it's great...Designing, developing and testing computer programs requires some pretty advanced math skills and creative problem-solving ability.

That pretty much sums up my entire profession in a nutshell and explains why I like it so much. Software is the one place that I really excel at being creative and solving really complex issues. I'm never going to be an artist, painter, sculptor, or a musician. But by God I write beautiful, elegant code like I was born to do this shit. They say Mozart looked at a piano and saw "music". I can look at all those "if" statements and just see where the issues are. I cannot explain how it works. You either think this way or you don't.

Awesome movie

Stolen shamelessly from my pal Kien's blog

http://ebaumsworld.com/videos/highschool-lightsaber-duel.html

Its even safe for work viewing:)

Joke of the Day

Q: What's the difference between sexy and kinky?

A: Sexy is when you use a feather during sex. Kinky is when you use the whole chicken:)

Pluses/Minuses to Working at Home

For those not in the know, I pretty much work from home for my new job. There are certainly some pluses and minuses to this setup:


Plus: I make my own hours. Banks are actually useful to me again. Ditto for the DMV, although that does not make me fill with any less murderous rage when I go there.

Minus: I feel the urge to work all the time. Sue will be watching some random shit on TV, and I will whip out the laptop and write 3 more lines of code.


Plus: When I am in the zone, no one bothers me. I can code like the mother-f#$king genius that I am. If I want to yell to the ceiling of my home office, "DO MY BIDDING YOU EVIL COMPLIER!", or "I AM A GOLDEN GOD!", or even "WHY MUST I FAIL AT EVERY ATTEMPT AT MASONRY?!?!", I can without having to worry about people staring at me. And I can finally avoid the weird looks from coworkers when they walk by my office and see me talking to myself about some weird facet of my code. And don't get me started on how much better naked Wednesdays are now...

Minus: Do you know how hard it is to get in the zone when you can look at literally ANYTHING on the internet and no one will slap your wrist? There is all that news, sports, info, naked girls, etc. I mean, just today I saw a link to this from one of the wired.com blogs I read: The Ozporns (NSFW, duh). Some day I hope MY life is cool enough that someone will want to make a porn spoof out of it.


Plus: Don't waste gas going to work, lunch, or anything else. I also don't eat out everyday, so I feel like I may be helping the environment just a tiny bit.

Minus: I am one smelly, dirty, hippy for most of the morning and half way into the afternoon. Showering and shaving are just not that far up there on my list of important things to do anymore in the morning.

April Fool's and practical jokes...

SUCK!

Why is this a holiday??? Why is it funny to fool, confuse, anger and make people upset? Practical jokes are wrong and are totally not funny. How would people like it if we as nurses came into your room and said something like "I haven't been giving you any of the right meds these last few days so your heart will stop and the cancer has spread...Just kidding". Not funny right. Then why are other practical jokes funny? GROW UP America and be adults.


By the way, the lack of commenting on our blog makes us want to blog less. :) Please comment more, we enjoy the feedback whatever it is. :)

Prayer Not So Useful

From MSNBC: Power of prayer flunks an unusual test.

Apparently, not only does prayer not help reduce problems after heart surgery, God actually smites people who know others are praying for them slightly more often:)

From the article:

"The study looked for any complications within 30 days of the surgery. Results showed no effect of prayer on complication-free recovery. But 59 percent of the patients who knew they were being prayed for developed a complication, versus 52 percent of those who were told it was just a possibility."

I'm not entirely sure why God would punish those who actually knew that others were praying for them. Perhaps because he wants them to pray on their own and not outsource it to others. Perhaps he just likes the bitter irony. I know I do:)

What I do know is that we have a definite decision in round 489,954,543,543 of the Science v. God fight. Hands down this round goes to Science.

Agent Orange != Tang

Agent Orange victims gather to seek justice

I think I have mentioned this one before, but I'm just baffled at the stupidity of the government sometimes. Agent Orange was defoliant used mostly in the Vietnam war to clear jungle. We dumped about 20 million gallons of this shit over the country. And, surprise surprise, dumping that much of a chemical that more or less instantly kills plants isn't so good for us humans either. Wow. I'm shocked I tell you. SHOCKED!

Its the same for DDT back in the 50s and 60s. People actually used to let their kids run around outside when it was being sprayed because the government told them it was ok. I'm guessing that would be about as healthy as taking a good lick from the inside of an ant trap, but sure! Why not?

I can just imagine that friendly neighborhood government official in charge of spraying assuring everyone it was ok:

"DDT is perfectly safe. Just because it is a poison that kills insects is no reason not to stand outside and let it rain down on you like mana from heaven. Pay no attention to all those dead bald eagles in the corner. One has nothing to do with the other."

V for Vendetta

Last time, I mentioned that I would write my thoughts on V for Vendetta tomorrow. Well, I guess that whole wheel of time has turned and it is time to put up.

WARNING: There are some spoilers in here. Don't read if you care.

The basic plot of the movie is the idea that after a horrible biological terrorist attack in the UK and other terrorist actions around the world, the people of the UK vote in a completely xenophobic government that controls every aspect of their lives: They control the media, listen in on conversations at will, and generally trample all civil liberties in their ruthless pursuit of power and control. Homosexuals, immigrants, and Muslims were all rounded up by the government and sent to camps where they where either executed or "rehabilitated" (I'll leave it to your imagination to guess what that involved).

Its a interesting take on what people would willing give up for a feeling of safety. In a lot of ways the government they are describing is the Peoples Republic of China or the USSR before the fall of communism.

I'm still trying to decide if I think something like this could really happen in the US.

On the one hand, I doubt it. Just look around now: Despite 9/11, people (at least the majority of people) still stand up and say that the government should not have the right to listen in on conversations whenever they want. We have the most independent press on the earth that sees into every part of the government.

And yet... Its not as far fetched as it sounds. I bet if got people to answer honestly, you could get at least 10-20% of the population to agree to sending homosexuals and Muslims to a "rehabilitation" camp. The Bush administration has admitted that they have paid new's personalities to cover administration actions/plans in a favorable light. Conservatives are still making arguments like "if you are not for the government's every action, you are for the enemy". Listening in on overseas calls, reading email, gathering records about what I read at the library. All are steps down the path to the totalitarian state of this movie.

Recent Movies

Sue and I watched A History of Violence last weekend, and since I am stuck several hundred miles away from my Sue with a lot free time on my hands, I thought I would go to the theater here in Wisconsin and see a movie that Sue had no interest in seeing with me: V for Vendetta.

First off, I'll give you my reviews:

A History of Violence

B/B-/ A fascinating movie with some unbelievably great acting that is mared by the fact that in their effort to confront the violence of the character they use gore as the primary means to shock the audience. However, the direction is excellent with a laser-like focus and relentlessness that keeps you watching this house of cards fall apart in such a short period of time.

V for Vendetta

A-/B+. It had a few rough spots and few scenes that didn't seem to make sense from the audience's perspective. But the overall plot was quite good, the visuals were stunning, and as always Natalle Portman is fantastic. Plus, the subject matter of the movie itself was just plain fascinating. The idea that citizens really would willing trade civil liberties in exchange for protection is interesting to me at least.


WARNING!!! BIG SPOILERS AHEAD. If you are interested in seeing either movie without a lot of foreknowledge and my goofy thoughts in the way, don't read any farther.


A History of Violence -

The obvious message is that your past always catches up with you. We see this again and again as the people from the lead characters past return to his current life. They throw off the balance of everything he has worked so hard to build in his small town.

More subtle is the undertone that once you accept violence as a solution to a problem, it is difficult to switch to anything else. Like violence is a road down which each step make it harder and harder to turn around and go back to where you came from. Acceptance from his wife and children, friends, and coworkers becomes more and more difficult with each action he takes. And once the associates from his past force his old personality to the forefront, the main character seems to have difficultly returning to the simpler, humbler, and much less aggressive persona that he had built up.

There is also a little hinting at the idea that not all violence is bad. You know that saying that men sleep safely in their beds at night only because other men are willing to commit violence on their behalf? ( Mark Twain I believe) Well, this movie certainly continues to enforce my ideas about that.

I'm tired. V for Vendetta's review can wait until tomorrow.

Wisconsin, Here I Am

I'm in Wisconson this week for HR paperwork, training, and meet and greets with my new company. So far everyone seems nice enough, but I've met what seems like a 100 people so they are all starting to blur together. I remember a Marcia, a Patrick, someone named Dan, and Matt. However, not one last name has stayed with me. I hope there aren't too many people with the same first name in this group:)

Wausau is a nice enough place to visit. Everyone speaks quickly again (thank god!), and they certainly have that Midwest friendlyness going on in full force. Actually, in the morning it is a little off putting. For the love of God leave me along and let me code and sip my pop in peace! Stop being so damn personable!

Hunting Quail like a VP

Good for 5 minutes of entertainment or so:

http://www.quailhuntingschool.com/flash.php

OMG that is awesome!

http://www.thinkgeek.com/homeoffice/gear/8122/?cpg=wnrss

HOLES!

I cut a hole in our living room drywall yesterday. And not a little, spider could crawl through it hole either. I'm talking a hole big enough that we could have shoved Bob through it if need be. Our roof leaked when we first bought the house and I am sure that most of you are aware that water and drywall/latex paint don't exactly get along:) In actual fact, water and drywall are like mortal enemies! Like Pat Roberson and any sane American.

Anyways, on to the point of this blog: I was standing there with a big knife in my hand looking at the wall and thinking, "I can't do this....I can't do this..." when Sue looked up and said something to the effect of, "Do you know the procedure? Well then, I trust you can do it".

1/2 hour later I had the new piece of drywall in. I love that girl:)

Hard to Motivate

Sweet Jesus it is getting hard to stay motivated to do any good work here. Since I know I am quiting in 2 weeks, my urge to try to be the best and get the fantastic pay raises I have come to expect here is no longer holding my urge for sloth at bay. It is a effort of will just to stay here for the required eight hours a day!

On an unrelated note, I started a new blog yesterday (Coding From The Midwest) that will contain my more software engineer specific rants, data, examples, etc. Most of our readers will find this mind-numbingly boring or useful when you just cannot fall asleep at night, but if you make your living ordering around the gnomes that power every digital circut, you might find some useful stuff.

Top Ten Things We Will Miss/Look forward to

Thinking about our upcoming move, Sue and I are thinking about all the things we miss from Michigan and all the things we are leaving behind. Here is our list so far:

Things We Will Miss From Alabama

• D, Uncle R and all of the rest of the HPP. Also all of the Tybrin folks that really made us a part of their families :)
• Guthrie's Chicken - A store that only makes fried chicken and it comes in a box meal form, very delicious.
• Almost nonexistant property tax - 0.5 mils is insane.
• Dirt cheap land - My house and yard are going to cost about 1.5 to 2 times what they cost here.
• Dirt cheap housing - see 7.
• Living in an area with more PhDs than McDonalds per square mile. There is something to be said for a town with so many REALLY smart people around. Just don't leave the county and everything is fine.
• Being 4 hours from Atlanta. I really dig Peachtree street (but I cannot say which one). 1150 is a awesome club. But our Paul Van Dyke curse started there, so I have mixed feelings.
• Hard-core, balls to wall arguments with right-wing nut jobs. You just can't find right wing nut jobs like this in Michgan. Ok, you can, but they tend to live in Dexter and still light crosses on fire on peoples' lawns. Best to avoid thoe folks when possible.
• More GREAT mexican resturants than you can shake a stick at. I don't even like mexican food that much, but DAMN.
• Alabama Fall and Spring. Although I'll be the first to admit that its hard to tell when one ends and the other begins. BTW: There is no winter here. Period. End of discussion.

Things We Miss From Michigan and look forward to again

• The MSU and U of M party possee' s and all of the other friends in MI. Both of our families.
• Slurpees! By corelation: 7-11.
• Not having to drive 4 hours to visit a major city. I'm getting older, fatter, and lazier and driving four hours for fun is getting to be more than I care to invest.
• No nipple tape. I admit its been a while since we have seen a stripper, but if the mood strikes me I like to know that I can see a nipple in all its glory any time I want.
• CANADA! Left leaning, European ideals about sex, fun, and drinking. Young 19 year olds drunk and dancing in the club. People who actually appreciate Trance music.
• Gambling - Poker, slots, more casinos run by indians than you can possibly imagine, instant scrach off tickets, and a state wide lottery to punish people with false hope and no math skills.
• Proffesional Sport Teams: GO WINGS! And the Pistons. And uh... yea... we have the Lions. And the Tigers...uh...hmm...yea...uh...GO WINGS! I can finally make that Simpson's joke about, "How about those local sports teams?" without sounding like an idiot.
• MSU - Ah, sweet Alma Mater. I don't care what my friends say. MSU is just as good a school as UofM. Stuff it Kelly, Chris, and Shelle! MSU HOckey RULES!
• Snow - I know it is nostalgiac to think this way, but I miss snow. Ice skating, snowmen, and skiing!
• Paczkis - Sweet, delicous, Polish doughnuts. Michigan has a huge polish population and they make thousands each year. I love them so much that Sue's Mother has shipped us a dozen every year we have been here just so we would not miss out.
• All of the culture that Detroit, Toronto and Chicago have to offer. All of the great museums and musical shows/concerts that come each year. Ecspecially the car show and the Electronic music festival (Detroit is the birthplace of electronic music!). I can't wait to go the Detroit zoo and see Dave Matthews in Comerica park.
• Being in a state the appreciates the american car and will buy American cars. Not having to live in a state where everyone one has a Toyota with an American pride bumper sticker on it.
• Meijer's! I miss Meijer's. I love it's 24 hour greatness. They started the buy everything in one location thing when it began in 1962. Fucking Wal-mart stole the idea in 1988. Fuck Wal-mart and fuck Sam Walton. Hendrick Meijer rules. I refuse to shop in Wal-mart ever again.
• The Mackinaw Bridge and Mackinaw fudge. Mmm...fudge. If you have never been to Mackinaw then you have not had real fudge. By relation Moose tracks ice cream.
• REAL LAKES!! Only Michigan has real lakes.
• Pokey sticks! If you went to MSU, then you understand.
• Four distinct seasons. If I wanted to sweat to death then I would go to a sauna. Not natural.
• Being in a blue state again and not living in the Bible belt.
• Not having any dry counties. WTF is a dry county??? Plus being able to buy liquor and milk and eggs in the same location.
• The Hash bash in Ann Arbor. A place where fans of marijuana can come together and be merry.

Holding Everyone's Hand

One thing I will NOT miss about my job is holding the slow peoples' hands during development. Today in a fit of complete stupidity, one our developers came and bothered me saying that the build was broken on his machine.

Fuck.

First off, there is the fact that every time this dude gets the source code from our server he has this issue. He's one of those people who responds to unexpected issues much like I imagine a cave man would: stares blankly, grunts, shakes monitor, scratches head, wonders aloud, "why no work?". You get the idea.

So he comes to my office to tell me that one of the projects (lets call it project B) in the code won't build (yet again). I ask him all the usual questions:

Me: You got all the code from the server right?

Him: <grunt>

Me: You did merge the changes into your code right?

Him: <grunt>

Me: OK, lets go have a look. <scroll through errors> Well lets see, project B is not compiling. mmmm...Well, it says here that project A that project B depends on did not compile.

Him: Yea, I noticed that but I didn't think it was an issue.

Me: <stare blankly at him wondering why he was allowed to reproduce, followed by a long sigh>...Lets see why it did not compile.

Him: <Stares blankly>

Me: <Picturing said developer as Daffy Duck being shot repeatedly during the "You keep out of this; He doesn't have to shot you now" bit> The error says you failed to link. You are probably defining a method but not implementing it anywhere (DUMBASS).

Him: But I did implement...er...hmmm...it no here...

Me: <Wander out without saying more. I don't want to have to write the method too.>

Days like this make me glad I will be working alone and from home soon.

Typical Day in My Inbox

Unlike most everyone on the planet, I have had the same email address for the last 9 years. In my more naive days, I used to post my email address with most of my posts to newsgroups, web logs, or whatever else I was accessing on the web. These two facts mean that any glance at my inbox is very disturbing. Its disturbing not just for the quantity of spam I receive in a given 8 hour period (164 today), but also for the contents on those emails. I thought a quick browse through just the subject lines might be enough to prove my point.

"Earn your degree online All degre (their spelling, not mine) levels, wide range of majors."

I get about 10 of these every 8 hours. I have a degree, but thanks. And if I didn't, I don't think my employer would be impressed with a university that consists of a computer and a laser printer. My office at home is a university if that is the only criteria.

"You can save up to 70% on <insert some drug that increases erections> !"

I get about 30 of these every 8 hours. Hmmmm... yes, buying prescription drugs that can increase my risk of a heart attack, stroke, and blindness from someone I will never see or have never met DOES sound like a good idea. Not to mention the chance of having an erection for 12 hours straight.

"SPERMAMAX does not increase Dihydrotestosterone or show any incident of gynomasticia."

Thank God you told me that in the subject line. Because next to Avian Flu and Bears, that was my number one concern in life right now...

"Indulge your wife all the year round with Generik Viagra."

See now, that just unprofessional. You send all this money to rent an illegal zombie bot network to send out millions of spam, and you can't take the time to spell check your offerings? Sorry, but that sort of spotty attention to detail just turns me right off to whatever you are offering.

"Very sad German statistics say in average"

Uh...ok...


The rest are really too graphic to even post here. Lets just say they nearly all match the following template:

<male fantasy girl> <verb that describes something perverse> <some thing to stuff into a person that may or may not be sanitary> <some place to stuff things in>

Trust me when I say you don't want to read them.

Moving on Up (in this case, North)

I've gotten a new software engineering job with a company in Michigan and I have agreed to take it. An old buddy of mine from my last job recommended me and we just could not turn down their offer.

I've lived in Alabama 4 years almost to the day now. Most of it has actually been really great (despite what the name of my blog domain might otherwise imply). Lots of new friends, great job, great coworkers, and new career for my wife. It feels odd to say that I may even miss it a bit.

My start date is March 20, and I have 6 months or so to make the move. So we will be here a bit longer until we can manage to sell my house. In the mean time, its time to drink, celebrate, and revel in our return to four distinct seasons.

Nod if you agree

I'm having one of those days where all the other developers around me actually look like they moving in slow motion because of how much work I can accomplish in a single hour. I love days like this:) This site sums it up.

http://smartest.ytmnd.com/

I Heart Sue Wilson

F-ing Work

Good god it has been a while between posts.

We are getting down to the wire here on my current project. I HATE this part of my job. All the stress of delivering a high quality product on time really makes me an unpleasent person to be around.

For one thing, there is the whole issue of telling people to get the fuck out of my office. Most days, I just go with it. People need to relieve stress or point out funny things on the web or whatever. But when I under the gun for a delivery, every second of the day seems precious (In case you are wondering, I'm writing this while compiling my executable, not just wasting time). I've come up with the following system to get people out during those times:

Stage 1) Wear large headphones. You don't have to listen to anything on them. Just wear them. With headphones, you can always pretend you aren't listening when they yell for you to come see something. Stage one will only deter the most worthless of conversations and then only with the people too lazy to even get up and come to your office. If someone overcomes this first hurdle, it's time for Stage 2:

Stage 2) Step 2 is all about minimizing the ability of the conversation to continue.

* Continue to do exactly what you were doing when the person comes into your office: typing, filing, eating, rubbing your head while you pat your stomach, whatever. The point is, what you are doing is very important and you can't be bothered with their stupid conversation enough to actually devote more than your brain stem to it

* Answer in the shortest number of syllabes possible. Try some of the following: "Yes", "No", "Cool", "Neat", "Thanks", "Penguin", "doh", "hm...", and "That sucks", (or just "Sucks" if you are really into it). You get the idea.

If those don't work, you have to move on to Stage 3.

Stage 3:

* Stop making any eye contact at all. Go back to working on whatever you were working on before they came in. Typing is very effective here. That clicking noise acts as a constant reminder that you don't care about whatever the person is talking about. No really. I don't care. Seriously. Can't you literally hear me not caring? What the fuck is wrong with you?!?!?!

So that's my system. Anyone have any other ideas?